1. STEP ASIDE MILEY AND WHOEVER ELSE, BECAUSE RIHANNA’S HAIR NUBBINS HAVE ARRIVED.
2. They are literally better than any knots that have come before them.
3. OK, so Scary Spice had them a long time ago and they were great, but they didn’t have the height that Rihanna got.
4. And then there was Gwen. Her nubbins were cute, but a little lazy.
5. And most recently there was Miley. Her nubbins gave a brave performance, but they were lacking in quantity. (THERE ARE ONLY TWO).
6. BUT RIHANNA HAD AT LEAST 16!!!!
7. And they were all standing up straight.
8. And they were so fantastic they won an award for their spectacularness.
9. Of course it wouldn’t be a full celebration of the them if we didn’t meet some of them. This one is named Christa. It spent the early years of its life in loose curls.
10. This one goes by Janet. She’s a badass who never flys away.
11. This one is named William. Willy for short.
12. Here’s the runt of the litter, Nancy. She is shy, but sweet.
13. And these are the plastics. THEY DON’T TAKE SHIT FROM ANYONE and you can’t sit with them.
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