28 Reasons Why Time Is The Most Insane Thing Ever

Time, man. Time.

You think time is a joke? YOU THINK TIME WON’T MESS YOU UP???

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1. We’ll start simple. Did you know Macauley Culkin and Ryan Gosling are the same age?

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2. No? NO?! How about this: Did you know Adele is only one year older than Taylor Swift?

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3. How about that guy Samuel L. Jackson. He can’t be over 45 can he? Oh, he can. Because he’s 64:

Stephen Lovekin / Getty Images
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4. James Lipton: gotta be like 55, right? WRONG. He’s 86:

Stephen Lovekin / Getty Images
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5. And Demetri Martin? He’s 40:

Pascal Le Segretain / Getty Images

And so is Jack McBrayer.

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6. And hold onto your hats because… Will Smith is now older than Uncle Phil was at the start of The Fresh Prince!!!

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7. Now, let’s get a couple things straight:

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So the next time you say something took a “trillion seconds,” THINK AGAIN.

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8. And the next time you say you’ll be a “moment,” know that actually is a medieval unit of time and is equal to 90 seconds.

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9. And if you’re gone in a “jiffy,” that means roughly 1/100 of a second:

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10. If you want to really say you’ll be back soon, just say you’ll be a back in a “planck,” which is 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 second:

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11. While we’re at it, a quinquennium is a period of time that lasts five years:

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12. That means it’s been nine years, or almost two quinquenniums, since the last episode of Friends:

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13. Now, before shit gets REAL, keep this in mind: The Ottoman Empire still existed the last time the Chicago Cubs won a World Series.

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14. And this:

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15. And finally, here’s what that little kid from Jerry Maguire looks like now:

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16. OK, here we go: Between the time it was discovered and the time it was unclassified as a planet, Pluto did not even complete one revolution around the sun.

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17. And try this on for size:

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Now breathe easy and keep reading…

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18. The Great Pyramid was built circa 2560 B.C.

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19. …and Cleopatra lived 69 B.C.–30 B.C.

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20. …and the first moon landing was in 1969, A.D.

…which means Cleopatra lived closer to the moon landing than she did to the building of the Great Pyramid.

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21. Speaking of the pyramids, they were as old to the Romans as the Romans are to us:

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22. Should we keep going? The difference in time between when Tyrannosaurus Rex and Stegosaurus lived is greater than the difference in time between Tyrannosaurus Rex and now:

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23. Here’s one more: In 1903 the Wright Brothers flew for the first time…

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24. …38 years later, in 1941, the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor…

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25. … and 28 years later, in 1969, man landed on the moon.

That’s 66 years.

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26. Which, by the way, is the exact same moon that has been seen since the beginning of time.

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27. Oh yeah, and if the life of earth were compressed into 24 hours, humans would appear just over a minute before midnight:

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28. And if THAT didn’t blow your mind, remember this: Here’s what Lindsay Lohan looked like only 11 years ago:

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