You think time is a joke? YOU THINK TIME WON’T MESS YOU UP???
1. We’ll start simple. Did you know Macauley Culkin and Ryan Gosling are the same age?
2. No? NO?! How about this: Did you know Adele is only one year older than Taylor Swift?
3. How about that guy Samuel L. Jackson. He can’t be over 45 can he? Oh, he can. Because he’s 64:
4. James Lipton: gotta be like 55, right? WRONG. He’s 86:
5. And Demetri Martin? He’s 40:
And so is Jack McBrayer.
6. And hold onto your hats because… Will Smith is now older than Uncle Phil was at the start of The Fresh Prince!!!
So the next time you say something took a “trillion seconds,” THINK AGAIN.
8. And the next time you say you’ll be a “moment,” know that actually is a medieval unit of time and is equal to 90 seconds.
9. And if you’re gone in a “jiffy,” that means roughly 1/100 of a second:
10. If you want to really say you’ll be back soon, just say you’ll be a back in a “planck,” which is 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 second:
11. While we’re at it, a quinquennium is a period of time that lasts five years:
12. That means it’s been nine years, or almost two quinquenniums, since the last episode of Friends:
13. Now, before shit gets REAL, keep this in mind: The Ottoman Empire still existed the last time the Chicago Cubs won a World Series.
14. And this:
15. And finally, here’s what that little kid from Jerry Maguire looks like now:
16. OK, here we go: Between the time it was discovered and the time it was unclassified as a planet, Pluto did not even complete one revolution around the sun.
Now breathe easy and keep reading…
19. …and Cleopatra lived 69 B.C.–30 B.C.
20. …and the first moon landing was in 1969, A.D.
…which means Cleopatra lived closer to the moon landing than she did to the building of the Great Pyramid.
21. Speaking of the pyramids, they were as old to the Romans as the Romans are to us:
22. Should we keep going? The difference in time between when Tyrannosaurus Rex and Stegosaurus lived is greater than the difference in time between Tyrannosaurus Rex and now:
23. Here’s one more: In 1903 the Wright Brothers flew for the first time…
24. …38 years later, in 1941, the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor…
25. … and 28 years later, in 1969, man landed on the moon.
That’s 66 years.
26. Which, by the way, is the exact same moon that has been seen since the beginning of time.
27. Oh yeah, and if the life of earth were compressed into 24 hours, humans would appear just over a minute before midnight:
28. And if THAT didn’t blow your mind, remember this: Here’s what Lindsay Lohan looked like only 11 years ago:
- Oliver Sacks, the famed neurologist and author, died Sunday from cancer. He was 82. ›