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Ode To The Greatest Product Ever Invented: The Head Massager

This pronged thing is like treating your head to heaven on a stick.

This beautiful thing is called a head massager. Or a scalp massager. It doesn’t even matter what you call it, because it’s humankind’s greatest invention.

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LOOK AT ALL THE BEAUTIFUL PRONGS.

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Oh, the prongs!

And the nubbins!

BY GOLLY, THE NUBBINS.

Picture yourself with this thing on your head, eyes closed, your scalp absorbing its movements.

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IMAGINE THE EUPHORIC PLEASURE THAT COMES WITH IT.

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Harry Styles loves it:

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(Seriously, he loves it.)

Twitter: @1DWorldNewsx

And even dogs love it:

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Why wouldn’t they, though.

It’s literally like experiencing nirvana on your brain.

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If you have one, then you won’t need anyone else in your life.

Twitter: @Howelly123

But remember…It’s not a whisk! #NOTAWHISK.

Twitter: @CourtneyMcLean3

The only thing better than one of these head massagers is THREE OF THESE HEAD MASSAGERS.

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Sometimes people call these babies orgasmatrons because the sensation is PURE BLISS.

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There’s no greater feeling than you, head massager, working your steel tentacles into my scalp.

You are perfection, never change.

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