For Everyone Whose Life Has Changed Since Chris Pratt Became A Human God

Goodbye to the old, hello to the new.

1. There was a time when life was normal.

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2. Some days were good, some days were bad.

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3. You ate cereal for breakfast and went to bed at 10 PM. It wasn’t a bad life, it was just fine.

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4. UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENED THAT CHANGED IT ALL….

5. And that was this.

6. This happened.

7. And the life you had was over because THIS WAS OUR REALITY NOW.

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8. It was a major life event.

9. One day you are driving a toyota to work and the next day you are living in the lap of luxury yachting around the Greek Islands.

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10. This man had become a godly form.

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11. A spectacular flawless specimen.

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12. And we were all #blessed with this transformation.

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13. Was it fair that your life should be scrambled and rearranged like it had been??

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14. Who cares about fairness when this is the result?

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15. It was like the clouds parted and an orb of light floated down from the heavens and entered into our hearts.

16. THE ORB BROUGHT YOU YOUR TRUE SOUL.

17. And that orb gave us warmth and comfort.

18. And our sweat glands opened up and the handkerchief that was once dry was saturated.

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19. But everything was better.

20. Things were clearer now.

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21. It all made sense.

24. And since the ~thing~ happened, nothing can bring you down.

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25. Now go forth, and life your beautiful life as we share the world with this man.

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