1. Would you rather sweat mayo or poop a softball?
“That would hurt because a softball is, like, a big thing. I’d rather sweat mayo to look out for my body. But if it didn’t have any effect on my anatomy, it’s a funny story to have pooped a softball.”
2. Would you rather be sexually attracted to fruit or have Cheetos dust permanently on your fingers?
“Cheetos dust, because I can always eat the Cheetos dust.”
3. Would you rather change gender every time you sneezed or not be able to tell the difference between a muffin and a baby?
“I think I would go with the gender change. You’d have such an unbelievable point of view — of everything. Like, you are one of the most extraordinary people on the planet.”
4. Would you rather never have to worry about money or live in a world with pokemon?
“Live a world with pokemon. Duh. That was a stupid question, sorry.”
5. Would you rather talk like Jar Jar Binks or look like Jar Jar Binks? And you are not allowed to kill yourself.
“Talk like Jar Jar Binks. Who doesn’t want to sound Jamaican?”
6. Would you rather be able to speak any language fluently or be able to talk to animals?
“Animals, duh, easily.”
7. Would you rather be the best racquetball player in the world or find $65 on the street?
“Think of all the tacos I could buy with $65. But the answer is, I would love to be the best racquetball player in the world.”
- Thirty-one people are dead after two passenger trains derailed within minutes of each other on a flooded bridge in central India.