Celebrity

A Ranking Of The 23 Best Ways To Get Owned By Gordon Ramsay

If someone is going to call you a donkey, it should be him.

23. Being called a useless piece of shit:

How much it hurts: Like getting pricked by a rose thorn.

22. Getting told to fuck yourself:

How much it hurts: Like getting your braces stuck on someone else’s mouth during your first kiss.

21. Getting called a stupid cow:

How much it hurts: Like falling on your tailbone.

20. Having your math abilities questioned:

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How much it hurts: Like when you sharted in second grade and everyone called you shartmeat for a year.

19. Getting called a precious little bitch:

How much it hurts: Like banging your knee on the underside of a table.

18. Him wanting to throw you in an oven:

How much it hurts: Like falling into a pit of thumb tacs.

17. When you are repeatedly told to fuck off:

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How much it hurts: Like getting your finger stuck in a car door.

16. Getting compared to Paris Hilton’s underpants:

How much it hurts: Like walking into a stop sign.

15. Being told you’re going to have a pumpkin jammed up your ass:

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How much it hurts: Like passing a kidney stone.

14. Having him pray to God that your food doesn’t kill him:

How much it hurts: Like your grandma calling you on your birthday but only to ask how to turn the microwave on.

13. Having him want to throw something up your ass sideways:

How much it hurts: Like falling onto the middle bar of a bike.

12. Getting your new lipstick shade called out:

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How much it hurts: Like dropping your ice cream scoop on the ground because it was anchored into the cone.

11. Being called worse than his dead grandma:

How much it hurts: Like falling into a lake in Canada on the first day of February.

10. Being called a donkey:

How much it hurts: Like accidentally biting your own tongue.

9. Getting accused of fucking a raw piece of meat:

How much it hurts: Like you were just accused of wanting to have sex with a raw piece of meat.

8. Getting called a Dr. Phil guest:

How much it hurts: Like getting pizza delivery only to open the box and find that half the cheese has slid off.

7. When you have to be reminded that the pan is NONSTICK:

How much it hurts: Like when you stick your finger into melted candle wax.

6. Being told you look like Julia Child:

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How much it hurts: Like starting a tape and it’s not rewound.

5. Getting compared to Hitler:

How much it hurts: Like someone just compared you to the worst person to ever live.

4. The eyebrow diss:

How much it hurts: Like waxing your back hair.

3. Getting accused of being a 45-year-old virgin:

How much it hurts: Like stepping on a Lego.

2. This:

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How much it hurts: Like doing homework on a Friday night.

1. And finally, getting called a panini head:

How much it hurts: IT DOESN’T. IT’S THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD!

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