2. This tap is thinking back to a time long ago, before the weight of the world crushed its spirit.
3. This gherkin is leading a life of quiet desperation.
4. This hinge is fascinated by your long and meandering anecdote. No, really, do go on.
5. This kayak is very right-wing and feels permanently outraged by society.
6. This telescope is actually not very impressed with the view. The “woo” is sarcastic.
8. This barbecue is fine out here in the cold. No really. Just pretend it doesn’t exist. See if it cares.
9. This tree is putting a brave face on things, but god knows there isn’t much to smile about, what with everything that’s been in the news.
11. Despite appearances this pair of binoculars is dying on the inside. So desperately lonely.
13. This bit of rusting metal has indeed been working out lately, and is glad you noticed.
14. These boats have just come into some money by underhand means, and are feeling pretty smug about it.
15. These chairs are racists. You do not want to hear the joke they’re laughing at.
16. This disconsolate house doesn’t even remember what it was like to be in a good mood.
17. This clock tower has seen things you wouldn’t believe.
By Jim Waddington.
18. This post is pleased to see you again, but secretly wonders if you’ll have anything left in common. So much has changed.
19. This tree just remembered that embarrassing thing it did at the office party, and is now consumed by silent horror.
By Steve Maskell.
20. This geeky coat hanger has a really interesting theory about Quantum Leap he wants to share with you, if you’ll only stay a while. Please.
21. This judgmental handbag disapproves of your lifestyle.
22. This camp house has some catty gossip to impart.
By Bertie Roper.
23. This ticket machine wonders if there’s anything left to believe in.
24. This box’s life has been on the slide, ever since you left. Sometimes it wonders why it even carries on anymore.
25. This brick facade wants to cut you in on a deal, but keep it on the down-low, OK?
26. This phone has an extremely high opinion of itself.
27. This mop, while secretly posh and supported by a trustfund, likes to think of itself as a hippy dropout.
28. Let’s be honest. These plugs are simpletons. Nothing much going on in their heads at all.
29. This ladder sometimes goes to scream, but nothing comes out. It’s the strangest thing.
30. This pepper doesn’t want to die. Not now. Not like this.
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