Your work life looks like this.
And outside work? You’re ashamed to admit it, but you’ve become this person.
Which has led to arguments with loved ones, who complain - with some justification - that you’re not always entirely present.
Your habit has not quite progressed to this stage, but it’s not far off.
Further dead giveaways you’re in its grip include…
You are haunted by memories of the fail whale.
Your pretty sure your brain now only thinks in 140 character bursts.
You’ve drunk-tweeted, lost followers, and vowed never again.
You’ve encountered your fair share of trolls, and learnt how best to deal with them.
You’ve thought of the perfect witty comeback… several hours too late.
When any of these things happen, it’s a horrifying ordeal.
This item of clothing would be extremely useful in your day-to-day life.
On beautiful sunny days you’ve ducked indoors just to read an @ reply.
You still get a tiny jolt of excitement every time you see one of these.
You dread the late-night/weekend drop-offs when no-one’s tweeting. That’s why you deliberately follow people in different time zones.
You are quietly appalled by people who do this.
You no longer bookmark anything. You just favourite tweets all day, so you can come back and read the articles later.
You book a holiday, and the thought of being off Twitter for any length of time fills you with dismay.
You have a long list of Twitter pet hates, which you enjoy discussing at length with anyone who’ll listen.
Though, actually, it takes an awful lot to persuade you to do this. You pride yourself on following loads of people.
You’ve seen comebacks so smart they’ve made you want to stand up and applaud.
(That happens a lot, actually).
And there are some tweeters you like so much, you have to restrain yourself from RT-ing everything they say lest you come across as a stalker.
(Photo: Patrick Dalton)
The truth is, you have probably missed out on any number of rich, real-world experiences because you were distracted by Twitter.
And one of these days you’ll do something about it.
Just not today.
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