1. Asking someone from the North, “Is that near London?”
There are actually other places in the country. Some of them have cities, as well!
2. Saying to a Scottish person, “Is that in England?”
4. Saying to an Irish person, “Is that in England?”
5. Actually telling someone when they ask how you are.
Their understanding nods actually translate to pure hatred.
7. Assuming Eurovision is an important event for us.
The rest of Europe are all cheats who vote tactically and we don’t care. Mostly don’t care.
9. Drinking too fast or too slow, and throwing the rhythm of the round off.
12. Directly telling someone what you want from them.
Could you phrase that as a vague and oblique hint, please?
13. Assuming we’re big fans of the Royals.
Honestly, most people aren’t that bothered.
14. Assuming that you can criticise the Royals.
That’s still one only the British are allowed to do, however.
15. Not appreciating the etiquette of queuing.
Go to the back. It’s not complicated.
16. Assuming the British primarily watch British period dramas.
17. Assuming the British live like British period dramas.
20. Attempting to imitate the wrong accent.
There are literally hundreds, and only one of them is like the queen.
21. Referring to anything as ‘quaint’, ‘olde-worlde’, or ‘whimsical’.
It probably existed before most countries did.
22. Dismissing British food as boring.
We’ve only got 157 Michelin-starred restaurants, after all. Plus, we invented pies.