The 65 Totally Random Things St. George Is Actually Patron Saint Of, Ranked

St. George is genuinely the patron saint of all these things, for some reason.

65. Crusaders.

Scott Free Productions / Via

Crusaders were dicks.

ID: 2820148

64. Equestrians.

Posh people. Did you know Mitt Romney’s horse was in the London Olympics?

ID: 2820158

63. Scouts.

Everyone hated being in the Scouts. Stupid fucking neckties.

ID: 2821246

62. Order of the Garter.

Shit clothing, shit Order.

ID: 2820673

61. Amersfoort, Netherlands.

A place in the Netherlands that looks like it probably doesn’t have much weed.

ID: 2819921

60. Bulgarian Army.

Like other armies, but Bulgarian.

ID: 2819999

59. Bulgaria.

Looks like a happening country.

ID: 2819987

58. Sheep.

Sheep don’t need a cunting patron saint.

ID: 2821262

57. Teutonic Knights.

Not the ones that are maybe the Illuminati, the other ones.

ID: 2821332

56. Beirut, Lebanon.

There’s an indie band called Beirut that is quite good.

ID: 2819974

55. Catalonia, Spain.

Messi’s not even from Barcelona, so what’s the fucking point, really?

ID: 2820056

54. Constantinople.

Doesn’t even exist anymore. Lazy.

ID: 2820086

53. Freiburg, Germany

Looks jazzy.

ID: 2820192

52. Malta.

Ancient home of the Templar Knights. Parts of World War Z filmed there.

ID: 2820565

51. Montenegro.

Entered robots in last years Eurovision.

ID: 2820621

50. Farmers.

Make food.

ID: 2820173

49. London, England.

Greatest city in the world™. Has more London Underground users than any other city. Smells faintly of urine at all times.

ID: 2820544

48. Gozo, Malta.

Name kind of looks like the symbols for Led Zep IV. Or a muppet.

ID: 2820229

47. Ferrera, Italy.

Probably has good pizza.

ID: 2820180

46. Georgia.

The country, not the state. Lovely sunsets.

ID: 2820206

45. Haldern, Germany.

Contains at least one pretty house.

ID: 2820392

44. Knights.

Escape Artists / Via

Heath Ledger played one once (sort of). + 3 points.

ID: 2820491

43. Genoa, Italy.

A bit Communist.

ID: 2820203

42. Skin diseases.

I didn’t want to find a picture of skin diseases, so here’s a bunny instead.

ID: 2821293

41. Husbandmen.

Feudal role, slightly below Yeoman. According the only image of a husbandman on the internet, didn’t like storks, which makes this husbandman kind of a shit.

ID: 2820486

40. Horsemen.

Cowboys are horsemen?

ID: 2820423

39. Syphilis.

Over-rated. Lenin probably had syphilis.

ID: 2821328

38. Saddle Makers.

George is patron saint of everything even slightly horse based. Fucking saddle makers? Why is that a thing?

ID: 2821152

37. Portugal.

Hugo Correia / Reuters

Responsible for this shitbucket.

ID: 2820842

36. Horses.

Animal. Good at running.

ID: 2820431

35. Slovenia.

Quality mountains.

ID: 2821305

34. Moscow, Russia.


ID: 2820664

33. Heide, Germany.

Sometimes sunny.

ID: 2820408

32. Chivalry.


ID: 2820072

31. Modica, Sicily.

Principal products include olives, carobs, cereals and cattle.

ID: 2820593

30. Agricultural Workers.

One of many farm based professions on the list. Which is weird, because George wasn’t really a farmer.

ID: 2819878

29. Reggio Calabria, Italy.

Has a beach. Looks lovely.

ID: 2821118

28. Armourers.

Cool. Because TV.

ID: 2819942

27. Palestinian Christians

No comment.

ID: 2820746

26. Plague


ID: 2820800

25. Field Workers.

Variant of agricultural worker.

ID: 2820185

24. Portugese Army.

Like the Bulgarian Army, but Portuguese.

ID: 2820851

23. Ptuj, Slovenia

Has a spring festival dedicated to the God of hedonism. Hence the fur.

ID: 2821012

22. Lod, Israel.

Contains this rather fetching arch.

ID: 2820529

21. Serbia.

Both Serbia and Montenegro claim George as Patron Saint. He has to support basically half of Europe come the European Championships.

ID: 2821163

20. Aragon, Spain.

Went really downhill after the 16th Century.

ID: 2819925

19. Romani People.

Have the only cool type of caravan.

ID: 2821146

18. Lepers and leprosy.

Jesus liked lepers, and he was generally considered quite a good dude.

ID: 2820499

17. Palestine.

No comment.

ID: 2820712

16. Lithuania.

Cold and flat.

ID: 2820517

15. Portuguese Navy.

Boats. That are Portuguese. Often have guns.

ID: 2820891

14. Bavaria, Germany.

Good beer, good skirts, great lederhosen.

ID: 2819956

13. Archers.

New Line Cinema / Via

Cool. Because films.

ID: 2819935

12. Shepherds.

If Shepherd’s Pie was in this, it would have won.

ID: 2821275

11. Piran, Slovenia.

Adorable town. Also, the first town in former communist Europe to elect a black mayor.

ID: 2820788

10. Soldiers.

Most soldiers will take all the help they can get.

ID: 2821318

9. England.


ID: 2820151

8. Herpes.


ID: 2820416

7. Corinithians Football Team.

Not a great club. Used to have both Tevez and Paulhinio, alongside many other great players, but had to sell them all because the finances of football dictate that Corinthians can’t compete internationally, and need to sell their best players, condemning the club to never bring their league to the height and popularity of the European super-leagues. A further tragic reflection of the Euro-Centrism of globalisation.

ID: 2820124

6. Riders.

New Line Cinema / Via

Probably not that sort of rider.

ID: 2821137

5. Cavalry.

Clearly the coolest soldiers.

ID: 2820062

4. Ethiopia.

Yes, that valley is actually in Ethiopia.

ID: 2820164

3. Cappadocia.

Stone for people who are really stoned.

ID: 2820019

2. Greece.

Much temple. Many history. Such old. Wow.

ID: 2820247

1. Butchers.

Intermedia / Via

Produce bacon.

ID: 2820013

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Luke Bailey is a staff writer for BuzzFeed and is based in London.
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