1. You judge people’s life choices by how quickly they walk.
And have a visceral reaction to dawdlers.
2. Anywhere outside of Zone 2 is too far to travel at the weekend. Or ever, really.
Same goes for crossing the river.
3. Nothing else in London can hold the same level of excitement as going up The Shard in order to piss over the entire city.
4. You’re completely uninterested in whatever cool new thing is happening because something else will be happening a few days later.
Except for Back to the Future at Secret Cinema, that’s definitely worth it. Oh, wait…
5. You drink “craft” beer even though it has become a standard way to justify not getting change for a fiver.
That said, if it’s really nice, maybe you’ll go up to £6… HELP, IT’S GETTING WORSE.
6. You’ve started to think that paying double rent, for half the space, is a totally valid idea.
And you’ll never buy a flat, because LOL.
7. You’ve become numb to potentially awesome new developments because you know they won’t be remotely affordable.
Though at least this one is technically correct.
8. You are very used to how much more time you spend at work than at home.
And, consequently, are hyper-aware of just how much you’re spending on rent for somewhere you basically don’t live.
9. There aren’t many things that will still surprise you on South Bank.
Well, except whatever is going on here. But not much else.
10. You have worked out precisely where on the tube platform to catch the train to get off at the closest spot to the exit at the other end.
And the 30 seconds you save feel so good.
11. The minor worry that someone might talk to you on the tube has become an all-consuming terror.
12. Nothing can happen on the nightbus that you’ll actually think is weird.
This is a totally normal evening, for instance.
13. You don’t even react to foxes any more.
They’re just continually hanging around like furry, similarly orange, reality-show stars.
14. You haven’t even thought about getting a car for years, because driving in London just makes so little sense.
So you are very used to the weirdness of public transport.
15. It feels like you have the same conversations, with the same people, in the same pubs every night.
16. The fact there are urinals on the street no longer even slightly bothers you.
17. You are permanently attached to your earphones, and now have started to mildly freak out if you hear things happening around you.
“Hey, what’s that sound? Oh, right, reality.”
18. Leaving the city freaks you out because of all the fresh air, quiet, and green stuff.
For real, what is this stuff? It’s freaking me out.
19. You’ve started to realise all the pubs are basically coming up with the same jokes for their signs.
Even the sarcastic ones.
20. You’ve completely stopped worrying about what day it is when deciding whether or not to go drinking.
Admittedly, sometimes this is because you just don’t know.
21. At least one fast-food place knows you on sight when you show up at 2am.
It’s probably a Chicken Cottage.
22. You’ve started to become nostalgic for the previous wave of gentrification.
And are starting to lament your old pubs disappearing into the modern city.
23. You’ve stopped talking to new people in bars, because Tinder.
You don’t have to engage with the real world now.