16 New Year’s Resolutions You Make And Break Every Year

Maybe this year you can hold out ‘til February? posted on

1. Take up “clean eating”

Resolution: give up gluten.

Reality: begrudgingly begin eating bagels for breakfast by February 1st. It’s practical, really…

2. Get a flat stomach

Resolution: do ab workouts every day.

Reality: do ab workouts every day…for three days.

3. Keep in touch with your parents

Resolution: call them at least once a week.

Reality: become annoyed if they don’t answer by the third ring. What if you actually needed something?

4. Get enough sleep

Resolution: don’t stay out past midnight on weeknights.

Reality: you accept that that is never going to happen.

5. Read more

Resolution: finish a book every week.

Reality: magazines count as books, right?

6. Pick up a new hobby

Resolution: take up photography.

Reality: stick to iPhone selfies.

7. Quit bad habits

Resolution: stop one bad habit.

Reality: pick up another in its place.

8. Beat your caffeine addiction

Resolution: replace coffee with tea.

Reality: yeah, no.

9. Find your passion in life

Resolution: discover your true calling.

Reality: your bed is calling.

10. Save money

Resolution: spend less money on takeout.

Reality: spend the same amount at the drive-thru.

11. Become one with nature

Resolution: explore the great outdoors.

Reality: you’ll go to a cookout this spring.

12. Improve your flexibility

Resolution: take up yoga.

Reality: your body just doesn’t bend that way.

13. Choose healthy snacks

Resolution: eat more vegetables.

Reality: eat more chocolate…because chocolate is salad.

14. Meet the love of your life

Resolution: finally find that one, special person.

Reality: you’re pretty sure Ryan Gosling is that person.

15. Learn to cook

Resolution: prepare meals from scratch.

Reality: Hot Pockets for the win!

16. Become a social butterfly

Resolution: spend more time with your friends.

Reality: spend more time with your cats.

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