1. YES! HOUSE HUNTERS IS ON!
Aaaaaand there goes my afternoon.
2. Oh, great. Another obnoxiously schmoopy couple.
Do they have real names? Or is it just “babe” and “sugarmuffin”?
3. Their wishlist is about 10 years long…and their budget is $150,000.
Good luck finding a 5-bedroom place with a koi pond and maid’s room in New York for that price!
4. Also on their wishlist: a place that has “character” and “charm.”
…only to find out that “character” in their budget translates to “asbestos in the ceilings.”
5. Their 3-year-old child and/or dog gets a “significant say” in the home purchase.
6. Okay, so we’ve finally moved on from interviewing to actually looking at houses.
THE BEST PART.
7. The first house is STUNNING…
Fully updated kitchen, dark cherry hardwood floors, exposed brick…
8. …until you remember that you’d never be able to afford it in a million years.
Does this come in a cheap version?
9. These people decide they can’t buy the house because of the paint color in the dining room.
You know a can of paint is like $50, right?
10. It also doesn’t have enough “entertaining space,” which they need because they’re super popular.
Unless you plan on having 25+ people over for dinner every night, BYE.
11. Oh, and their toddler doesn’t like it, so there’s that.
Can’t form complete sentences yet, but can dictate where you should spend your $500,000.
12. The realtor starts getting sassy with them and dropping some truth bombs.
Four for you, Karen.
13. The next house is exactly what the husband wants, but everything the wife doesn’t.
I see what you did there, Karen.
14. The third house is hideously outdated, and $50,000 over budget…
Didn’t you people say that you wanted move-in ready?
15. …and they actually like it.
Don’t worry, the dog loves it too.
16. Then comes the suspense as they make their decision
…which only takes like ten years.
17. And you’re like, GO FOR THE MOST EXPENSIVE HOUSE!
It’s totally worth it. As an investment. Or something.
18. …and they choose the UGLY, OVERPRICED ONE.
DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE EYES?!
19. They didn’t even negotiate on the price.
I mean like it’s your choice, just know that it’s a terrible one.