The Five Definitive Stages Of A Friend Request (As Told By Liz Lemon)

You may not go through them in order, but you experience them all. NERD RAGE.

1. Denial.

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A flash of red catches your eye as you log into Facebook. But no, don't get your hopes up. It couldn’t be an elusive friend request. Probably just an everyday notification instead. Don't let yourself be fooled!

2. Anger

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But you glance upward again and realize that it is, indeed, the elusive request. You quickly click, excited to see who has friended you. Perhaps that hottie you thought about smiling at yesterday? Or, more realistically, maybe it’s that internet guy who liked your Tumblr post last week. But your web page loads with bad news. It isn’t random hottie or even Tumblr guy. It’s that popular kid from middle school you always secretly hated. And here they come, ready to post their successful life all over your Facebook feed.

3. Bargaining

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The middle school memories rush back. It’s all so close, and that friend you always wanted…they’re practically knocking on your door! You could finally be in that moment. You reach toward your computer, take a deep breath, and smile. This is your time. And you can have it all.

4. Depression

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But just before you can accept, you remember that time you were made fun of. That time they wore better clothes than you. That time you weren’t the cool one. Do you really want to go through that again? Do you really want to be that kid you were in middle school, always competing for second-best (or third, or fourth, or twentieth)? You settle into depression.

5. Acceptance

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The moment passes. You’re at ease with your life. You accept yourself, with your night cheese habits and weird foot problems. You’re happy where you are — or at least you’re good at faking it. You don’t need this kind of stress in your life. Middle school should stay where middle school belongs: in the past. Block them.

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