1. When Misty reappeared.
She burned at the stake in the premiere, but you can’t keep a good witch down. (Especially when said witch has the power of resurrection.)
2. And when she brought the alligators back from the dead.
Then the alligators slaughtered the hunters. Karma’s a bitch.
3. When Fiona had Madame LaLaurie tied up in her room.
Weird, I thought they’d be getting along much better by now.
4. When, in a flashback, Queenie burned a customer’s arm with hot oil.
All because he wanted more fried chicken. In a flashback, we learned that Queenie used her human Voodoo doll powers to do some serious damage, and that’s what got her sent to Miss Robichaux’s Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies.
5. When Zoe confessed everything.
Like, all of it. I mean, can’t you just acknowledge your involvement in a mass murder without also admitting to being a witch?
6. When Fiona took over the detectives’ minds.
Rather violently, in fact. But what other option did she have, ZOE?
7. And when she threw Madison and Zoe against the walls.
They totally deserved it. This also allowed Jessica Lange to deliver another perfect line: “In this whole wide wicked world, the only thing you have to be afraid of is me.”
8. When Madison decided to help Zoe out by resurrecting Kyle.
A resurrection spell, eh? Surely that’ll go off without a hitch. Cool plan, Madison!
9. And when she changed her mind and decided to make Frankenstein’s monster with boy parts and Kyle’s head.
Madison, where do you get your ideas!
10. When, in a flashback, Madame LaLaurie saw that her entire family had been hanged by Marie Laveau.
But it’s hard to feel any compassion for her, since she’s AN ACTUAL MONSTER. You get a pat on the back, Marie Laveau.
11. And when she was buried alive.
Not just alive, but alive and immortal. An eternity with nothing to do would be THE WORST. Most of us can’t even go to the bathroom without playing on our phones.
12. When Zoe and Madison started screaming during their resurrection spell.
I mean, seriously, what was that? Also, I think they married Satan. YOLO?
13. And when Kyle woke up.
He immediately attacked the first person he saw, which is a great sign.
14. When Marie Laveau was alive.
OK, show of hands: Is anyone on this show actually dead?
15. When Nan released Madame LaLaurie.
In Nan’s defense, Madame LaLaurie was thinking too loud. Yeah, that’s a thing.
16. And when Madame LaLaurie hit Queenie over the head with a candlestick.
How very Clue of her. Wait, I don’t fully understand how Queenie’s power works. Did someone else just get a nasty bump on the head?
17. When Fiona set all the weaves on fire.
Could this be the first strike in a war between Fiona and Marie Laveau? Either way, it was absurd.
18. When, in a flashback, Cordelia and her husband did a weird (and sexy) fertility spell.
There was blood and there was fire and there were snakes. That’s one way to make a baby.
19. When Zoe was driving Kyle home and Misty popped up in the backseat.
Apparently she was drawn to New Orleans by the resurrection spell. Also, Misty can teleport now! It’s basically The Tomorrow People with accents.
20. When Marie Laveau unleashed the minotaur to take care of unfinished business.
Yep, one of the last slaves Madame LaLaurie tortured is also still alive. Because literally no one on this show is dead. Tune in next week for another surprise resurrection, I’m assuming.
What did you think of “Boy Parts”?
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