The “Spring Breakers” Apparel We Really Need

Yes, a Spring Breakers clothing line is happening. Might we suggest including some of these items? posted on

1. Brit’s “Good Girls Go to Heaven” shirt

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Which you will be wearing ironically, natch.

2. Alien’s Hawaiian shirt

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You won’t be able to pull it off, but it’s going to be a lot of fun watching you try.

3. Candy’s horrifying bikini bottom

It’s like an angry neon giraffe, and I need it.

4. Cotty’s mesh top

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Because it’s classy, and so are you.

5. Pastel booty shorts

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For when you want to grab your friends’ asses, but also it’s Easter.

6. Literally everything on display here, minus the guns

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Because it’s all perfect. And if your friends don’t get your hot new style, they’re not cool enough to hang with you. Go back to Bible study, nerds.

7. Robes of shame

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They smell like bad choices and regret!

8. Jailhouse blankets

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You don’t have to be arrested for narcotics possession to rock out with these cheap, uncomfortable blankets.

9. Cash-flavored breath freshener

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Your kiss will taste like money, because you are money.

10. Alien’s shorts

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He has so many shorts! Every fuckin’ color. Surely he can spare a few.

11. Cheap hair dye

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Look just like your favorite Spring Breakers! Finally you can match Cotty’s truly putrid shade.

12. Alien’s grill

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Should be flavored to taste like booze and weed for authenticity.

13. Alien’s dreads

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Should smell like … well, you get the idea. Throw in some sand, too, because Florida.

14. Swimwear decorated with fake vomit

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What better way to declare, “SPRING BREAK FOREVER, BITCHES.”

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