The 12 Questions Adopted People Are Sick Of Answering
If you were adopted, as I was, you’ve heard these questions way too many times.
1. Are you really adopted?
Uh, yes. I’m not sure why I’d be lying about that.
2. Do you know your real parents?
My real parents are the parents that raised me. If you mean my biological parents, then no.
3. Why can’t I call them your “real parents”?
Because that’s completely disrespectful to the parents I have. How would you feel if someone said your parents weren’t “real”?
5. Why don’t you want to meet your biological parents?
I have my reasons. They’re kind of personal, but by all means, keep prying.
6. Why did they give you up?
Are you kidding me? That’s definitely not any of your business.
7. But can you ever really accept your parents as your real parents?
Haven’t we already been over this? Yes. They raised me. They’re my parents.
8. Don’t you think maybe your biological parents were famous?
Sure, why not. I’m sure at some point you believed you were the lost princess Anastasia. We all have weird imaginations.
10. What if you have siblings you don’t know about?
Then I have siblings I don’t know about! You could too — maybe your parents cheated!
11. If I were you, I’d feel completely different about all this.
Would you? I’m glad you have so much insight into what it’s like being me.
12. Do you ever get tired answering questions about your adoption?
Only when they’re this dumb.
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hannahr18 3 months agoI had a friend in high school who was adopted and her adoptive parents ALWAYS made sure that everyone knew she was adopted and wasn’t really ‘part of the family’. And as soon as she turned eighteen they told her she was on her own. Some people just shouldn’t have kids no matter what.
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kristinjunky 3 months agohaha, most of them are true. some are never asked of me. but still. funny.
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jessicae14 3 months agoi get these questions but it doesn’t really bother me. id love to meet my biological parents. probably with the dysfunction, ive never felt part of the adoptive family.
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melaniem12 3 months ago
I met my bio dad…turns oit hes a raging alky living in a trailer…. yay for adoption!!!
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Jessica Doverspike 3 months ago
This is perfect. I’m also tired of hearing, “Do you miss your real parents?” and “What’s it like being adopted?” Um I don’t know, what’s it like being NOT adopted?! Thank you for this.
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shawnw11 3 months agoI have had the “real parents” discussion a few times. So far as I know, I have never had it with someone who has been peed on while changing their child’s diaper. So far as I know, I have never had it with someone who has scrubbed their child’s last meal…or two…out of backseat upholstery. So far as I know, I have never had it with someone who has taken a thermometer out of their child’s ear (or whatever), looked at the reading and kept a straight face while saying, “Yeah, you’re fine” instead of “God, I hope so” when the child asks if he’s going to be OK. The effort, fear, pain and joy tends to concentrate the mind on the difference between “parenting” and “reproducing.” Being thus concentrated, the mind tends to work backward more naturally from the verbal noun. Where peevishness is called for I rely on, “You seem to be having some trouble with the concept. My parents are the ones who parented me.” (Having seen Mr. Peitzman’s work here, I might want to carry some animated GIFs for the purpose. Probably impractical.) My view is: I’ve had decades to think about and prepare for this question. Most people who say “real” parents are struggling on the spot for an adjective. Cut slack as needed. My parents (no adjective) are Owen E. and Carolyn Winnie. My real parents are Owen E. and Carolyn Winnie. My biological (or birth) parents are not known to me. And while I am curious about my birth family, I respect my birth mother’s request to remain anonymous. Heck, if that’s the weirdest thing about me, I’m a lucky guy.
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joantheunicorn 3 months ago
Great article! Does anyone else get annoyed when someone introduces the biological children in the family by their names, and then tag on the adopted ones after and specifically state they are adopted? Why does everyone act so shocked when you tell them?! My parents always told me to tell kids who made fun of me “My parents wanted me and picked me, your parents were STUCK with you.” ha!
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laurenh25 3 months agoThat’s dumb. He isn’t “ragey” b/c he hasn’t met them and that is what you are equating it to. He is “ragey” b/c people want him to believe he doesn’t have a “real” family, which btw is rude and disrespectful. My biomom (not real) reached out to me but I politely declined. I have nothing against her, but I’m very happy with my life. She loved me enough to realize that she couldn’t take care of me along time ago. I respect and love her for that, which I told her. However, I was just meant to be with my real parents whom loved me enough to take me home without knowing me. Adoption is full of love and people need to stop telling us differently. That is when the anger comes out when people try to remove love from the equation.
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codyl7 3 months agoGreat article! My wife and I have adopted a little girl and are currently in the process of adopting a little boy. We hope to be prepare our little ones for these questions, but they have to be tough to hear, over and over, no matter what. You can see our blog here: www.beloved-ones.com and our fundraising page here: http://goodsie.com/store/beloved-ones/ Keep posting great articles like this, Louis, it’s important for people to know.
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vickies5 3 months agoOne thing that is missing is all of the stupid and all too often insulting comments that are made to adoptive parents. I’ve actually had some intellectual pygmies say: “That’s not even their real child. After all, the child is adopted.” It is extremely difficult not to go ballistic on these pathetic morons.
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moulin100 3 months ago
You would be surprised…I am adopted and over my 40 years of life I have been asked these questions at least once every two months. Most people mean well but sometimes I wish they would engage their brains before opening their mouths. And just to add to the fun I am black and my parents are white, that really ramps up the ridiculous questions.
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Sam Q 3 months ago
A friend of mine has an adopted son and the son’s best friend also happens to be adopted (both boys are 10). One night my friend and her husband were talking and something was mentioned about the other boy being adopted, at which point the son looked at her completely dumbstruck and said, “What do you mean, he’s adopted?!?” She just looked at him and said, “Son, he’s black, his mom and dad are white. How did you not realize he’s adopted?” :) If you ever doubt kids really are smarter than adults sometimes….
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