The 12 Questions Adopted People Are Sick Of Answering
If you were adopted, as I was, you’ve heard these questions way too many times.
1. Are you really adopted?
Uh, yes. I’m not sure why I’d be lying about that.
2. Do you know your real parents?
My real parents are the parents that raised me. If you mean my biological parents, then no.
3. Why can’t I call them your “real parents”?
Because that’s completely disrespectful to the parents I have. How would you feel if someone said your parents weren’t “real”?
5. Why don’t you want to meet your biological parents?
I have my reasons. They’re kind of personal, but by all means, keep prying.
6. Why did they give you up?
Are you kidding me? That’s definitely not any of your business.
7. But can you ever really accept your parents as your real parents?
Haven’t we already been over this? Yes. They raised me. They’re my parents.
8. Don’t you think maybe your biological parents were famous?
Sure, why not. I’m sure at some point you believed you were the lost princess Anastasia. We all have weird imaginations.
10. What if you have siblings you don’t know about?
Then I have siblings I don’t know about! You could too — maybe your parents cheated!
11. If I were you, I’d feel completely different about all this.
Would you? I’m glad you have so much insight into what it’s like being me.
12. Do you ever get tired answering questions about your adoption?
Only when they’re this dumb.
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mandiz 3 months agoI don’t recall ever having been asked ANY of those questions, thankfully. Maybe I’ve somehow managed to avoid being surrounded by complete idiots though. What HAS always irritated me is getting the response “OH! I’m sorry!!” when I mention I’m adopted. That makes no sense, but I know the people who say it were just trying to be nice.
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PrincesaBacana 3 months agoTHANK YOU! As an adopted daughter the questions that gets me REALLY mad is: “who are your real parents?” followed by “do you look like your father?” (parents are divorced, I’m black mom is white). Seriously? I find it awfully disrespectful towards my parents to ask if they real. And one time this family member, in front of me, told my mother: “she became a good girl”, like there’s some sort of higher “failure” rate for adopted children, like maybe my biological parents were criminals and I had a criminal gene. Gladly, many people I know they don’t even bothered asking anything and treat me no different.
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agnella 3 months ago
How can anyone find these “responses” passive agressive? Some of these questions (all of which I get EVERY time someone finds out I’m adopted) implicitly suggest that adopted children are somehow lesser than biological children. When you ask someone who their “real” parents are, the implication is that their adoptive parents aren’t their real parents. That the parents that raise you don’t matter as much as the parents that birth you. The implication is that biological always trumps adoptive. Don’t you guys see that?
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morgan 3 months agoThis comes off incredibly passive aggressive. You could just simply say that it’s a personal issue and most people will accept that and you know it. I’ve had people ask me incredibly prying questions and that’s all you have to say. Most people will drop it. The ones that don’t? Then you have a right to be rude!
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awesome13 3 months ago
I am adopted and can totally relate. I do feel like some of you with the fact he might sound angry but there’s a shit load of emotions that come from being adopted. My adoptive mom had all good intentions but had personal problems of her own so I was on my own since 14. I was super angry when I found out I was adopted (18) because I felt like my first mom didn’t want me and neither did the second one. But I grew up (im 30) and realized I could of been worse off and sucked it up. So alot of people going thru this and “growing up” will have different feelings about adoption throughout thier life. So if he sounds angry its no big deal. Its just a process. Maybe he is sick of all the questions. Personally I don’t mind them. But to the guy who said are you wearing a hat telling everybody your adopted remark. Most people don’t look like thier adoptive parents so uh yeah there will be questions… Thanks for writing this. I liked it and all the comments!
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Shauna30 3 months ago
Thank you for this article. As an adoptive mom, I get tired of explaining that I am my son’s real mom. Also, I hate it when people ask me why he was given up. I always calmly explain that he was not given up (which sounds like he wasn’t wanted and was given away), his birth mom loves him more than anything and PLACED him with us to give him a life she couldn’t provide, and so that he could have a mom and a dad.
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darrenb5 3 months agoI’m adopted. I don’t mind being asked any of these questions. Maybe just chill out a bit? Each new person asking these questions might be the gazillionth time for you but it might be the honest first time for them, and these questions might be the first time they’ve ever thought about this situation.
Give them a break -
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maouAOÛT 3 months ago
Some of these are spot on and others sound just…angry. I’m not going to try to guess why. As an adoptee, I recognize how lucky I am to have parents. Thousands of kids won’t ever have them. So when someone asks me about my adoption, even something as “personal” as why a complete stranger decided not to raise me (and unless someone left you a note, “I don’t know” pretty much much covers it), I consider it my /obligation/ to educate others. If I can help one person understand adoption more clearly, maybe I’ve done one tiny thing that, somewhere down the line, might help a kid less fortunate than I was to know what it’s like to have loving parents. I’d feel nothing less than /irresponsible/ to answer even seemingly prying questions with understanding and honesty.
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Chococat763 3 months ago
I have a brother who is adopted. I love him as much as if he was my child. It doesn’t matter that we aren’t related By blood, he’s my brother the same way my other brothers are. I’ve had people say to me that he’s not really my brother or your adopted brother. Dna doesn’t make him any less my sibling than my “blood” siblings. It makes me angry every time someone tries to insinuate that.
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corbyk 3 months agoMaybe it’s just me, but I don’t really have issues with most of these questions. I grew up knowing I was adopted. I was thankful for the parents that raised me as well as the parents I never knew. Both of them did what they could do to give me the best shot at life. I wanted to find my birth parents, and succeeded (however, I’ve yet to attempt to connect with my birth father). Meeting my birth mother was seriously one of the best experiences of my life. FINALLY I was able to discover where all of my weird little quirks came from. Do I want to meet my birth father? Kinda, but for some weird reason, my hunt was always for my birth mother, and I stopped it there.
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