The "Dexter" Series Finale Was Unbelievably Awful

Dexter has been up and down for a while, but nothing could have prepared us for a finale that bad. MAJOR SPOILERS for “Remember the Monsters?”

1. Um. What the hell was that.

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2. OK, so, Dexter is fleeing Miami with Hannah and Harrison.

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3. But he gets a call that his sister’s been shot.

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4. So Dexter runs to Deb in the hospital, and she tells him to go to Argentina because he deserves a happy ending.


The sociopath serial killer deserves a happy ending? Sure, that makes sense.

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5. Blah, blah, flashbacks.


Rita is conspicuously absent.

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6. Then Dexter sends Hannah and Harrison off to Argentina without him.


Because he is the worst boyfriend and father ever.

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7. Saxon is very easily apprehended by the police.


Miami Metro sure picked a good time to stop being completely incompetent.

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8. Debra takes a turn for the worse.


Hey, it’s the series finale. Somebody had to die, right?

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9. Hannah almost gets caught, but then she doesn’t.


Because duh, she carries around a hypodermic needle full of horse tranquilizer with her at all times. Don’t you? Also, let’s take a moment to LOL at Elway’s face here.

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10. Dexter kills Saxon. With a pen to the neck. And a lot of witnesses.


I mean, I guess he’s upset about Deb, but this is still really out of character. Did he suddenly forget how to murder properly? He’s also acknowledged that Miami Metro has a solid case against Saxon. Oh well.

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11. The other cops are totally cool with it, by the way.


Remember when Quinn was pretty sure Dexter was a murderer? Well, neither does Quinn, apparently.

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12. Dex decides to take his sister off life support.


Which is fair. But what he does next makes NO SENSE AT ALL.

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She died of natural causes. Why is he running away with her body?!

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14. Oh, OK, it’s so he can THROW HER INTO THE OCEAN.


Um. Maybe she would have wanted a proper burial? Too late for that now!

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15. And then Dexter sails off into a bad CGI hurricane.


Yep. Suicide by hurricane. Meanwhile, Hannah and Harrison are still waiting for him in Argentina. Awkward!

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16. Hannah is sad for a few seconds when she learns the love of her life is dead. Then she takes Harrison for ice cream.


Hey, man, the grieving process is complicated.

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17. But it turns out Dexter isn’t dead. He’s just a lumberjack with a really unfortunate beard now.


Seriously. This is THE END OF THE SERIES.

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18. The final shot is bearded Dex looking at the camera.


But this was mostly obscured by audience members throwing shit at their TVs.

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19. How much did you hate Dexter’s series finale? Or can you defend it?

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