The "Dexter" Series Finale Was Unbelievably Awful

Dexter has been up and down for a while, but nothing could have prepared us for a finale that bad. MAJOR SPOILERS for “Remember the Monsters?”

1. Um. What the hell was that.

2. OK, so, Dexter is fleeing Miami with Hannah and Harrison.

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3. But he gets a call that his sister’s been shot.

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4. So Dexter runs to Deb in the hospital, and she tells him to go to Argentina because he deserves a happy ending.

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The sociopath serial killer deserves a happy ending? Sure, that makes sense.

5. Blah, blah, flashbacks.

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Rita is conspicuously absent.

6. Then Dexter sends Hannah and Harrison off to Argentina without him.

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Because he is the worst boyfriend and father ever.

7. Saxon is very easily apprehended by the police.

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Miami Metro sure picked a good time to stop being completely incompetent.

8. Debra takes a turn for the worse.

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Hey, it’s the series finale. Somebody had to die, right?

9. Hannah almost gets caught, but then she doesn’t.

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Because duh, she carries around a hypodermic needle full of horse tranquilizer with her at all times. Don’t you? Also, let’s take a moment to LOL at Elway’s face here.

10. Dexter kills Saxon. With a pen to the neck. And a lot of witnesses.

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I mean, I guess he’s upset about Deb, but this is still really out of character. Did he suddenly forget how to murder properly? He’s also acknowledged that Miami Metro has a solid case against Saxon. Oh well.

11. The other cops are totally cool with it, by the way.

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Remember when Quinn was pretty sure Dexter was a murderer? Well, neither does Quinn, apparently.

12. Dex decides to take his sister off life support.

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Which is fair. But what he does next makes NO SENSE AT ALL.

13. He STEALS HER BODY.

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She died of natural causes. Why is he running away with her body?!

14. Oh, OK, it’s so he can THROW HER INTO THE OCEAN.

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Um. Maybe she would have wanted a proper burial? Too late for that now!

15. And then Dexter sails off into a bad CGI hurricane.

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Yep. Suicide by hurricane. Meanwhile, Hannah and Harrison are still waiting for him in Argentina. Awkward!

16. Hannah is sad for a few seconds when she learns the love of her life is dead. Then she takes Harrison for ice cream.

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Hey, man, the grieving process is complicated.

17. But it turns out Dexter isn’t dead. He’s just a lumberjack with a really unfortunate beard now.

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Seriously. This is THE END OF THE SERIES.

18. The final shot is bearded Dex looking at the camera.

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But this was mostly obscured by audience members throwing shit at their TVs.

19. How much did you hate Dexter’s series finale? Or can you defend it?

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