10 Disneyland Rides That Should Be TV Shows

Now that Big Thunder Mountain Railroad is getting its own series, it’s time to start thinking about other TV opportunities for Disneyland rides. posted on

ABC is looking to make Big Thunder, a period series based on Disney’s Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. The show will follow a 19th century doctor and his family as they relocate from New York to the mysterious Big Thunder mining town. No word yet on the possibility of goats with sticks of dynamite in their mouths.

With so many Disneyland attractions to choose from, can more ride adaptations be far behind? Here are some ideas.

1. “Space Mountain”

Space Mountain is a fast-paced adventure series in space! Unfortunately, once things are about to get exciting, everything goes dark. You have to imagine all the thrills, but believe me, they’re there. The exceedingly low production costs should keep this running for years.

2. “Jungle Cruise”

A down-on-his-luck actor is forced to take a job as a tour guide for Disneyland’s Jungle Cruise. He soon learns that when the park closes, Disney magic makes all the animals come to life! Unfortunately, they’re mostly carnivores. It’s a fight for his life in this very dark series.

3. “The Haunted Mansion”

It’s American Horror Story with a Disney twist! (More musical numbers, fewer brutal murders.) A family moves in to a notorious old house and soon discovers the stories are true: it’s haunted by the ghost of Eddie Murphy’s poor decision when he made The Haunted Mansion.

4. “It’s a Small World”

It’s a Small World is a gritty drama about the cost of gentrification in a small, ethnically diverse community. Each episode ends with the earworm of a song sung in the native language of whichever character the show focused on that week. It’s sort of a reprieve after all the heavy issues the series tackles.

5. “Mad Tea Party”

Love shakycam? Then you’ll dig Mad Tea Party, the first series ever filmed with an endlessly rotating camera. Just try to focus on the drama, which revolves around the volatile relationships in an upper-crust family, and the secrets that are spilled over tea.

6. “Matterhorn Bobsleds”

This one’s just fun: the Jamaican bobsled team from Cool Runnings relocates to the Matterhorn, where they befriend a local Yeti. Together, they train for the next Winter Olympics, all while learning a little more about the complexities of Abominable Snowman culture.

7. “Enchanted Tiki Room”

Kids will love it, parents will wish they were dead. In the animated series Enchanted Tiki Room, a group of loudmouth birds sing shrill melodies while dropping an unconscionable number of bird-based puns. Gilbert Gottfried reprises his role as Iago in Aladdin, and voices all the other birds.

8. “Splash Mountain”

Think of it as The Hills Have Eyes: The Series. A family of murderous hillbillies leads unsuspecting travelers to their watery deaths in Splash Mountain. And yes, there are country bears, but they don’t sing so much as eat the victims’ remains. TV-MA, obviously.

9. “Storybook Land Canal Boats”

Look, it’s basically a rip-off of Once Upon a Time, but this fairy tale mash-up is different because it takes place on a boat. Also, in Once Upon a Time the land is called Storybrooke, and this is Storybook. …What do you want? There are only so many new ideas, OK?

10. Great Moments With Mr. Lincoln

Spielberg already kind of nailed it with Lincoln, so where do we go from here? Reality. Great Moments With Mr. Lincoln is a mockumentary about the wacky happenings at the White House. Oh, sure, the series stuff is important, too, but even great men have petty fights over the darnedest things.

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