21 Of The Worst Things That Can Happen When You’re Unemployed

Literally, I need a job.

1. Anything that costs money.

FX / Via giphy.com

I literally bought a rotisserie chicken and a bottle of wine, how on earth is that $22?? Food should be like, a basic human right. Wine too. That’s what I’ll do! I’ll solve world hunger and wine hunger. Someone will pay me to do that, right?

2. LinkedIn

First of all, I’m going to have to take out a loan just to pay for the ability to use LinkedIn. Which is why I took matters into my own hands. Second of all, stop sending me promotional emails! 20% off of a premium account is still a price tag that I cannot afford.

HELPFUL TIP: There are other websites like Career Athletes (which is about to relaunch and become The Athlete Network) that are free and way more personal and helpful. I suggest getting in on the ground floor of this site immediately.

3. Applying for Jobs Online.

Twentieth Century Fox / Via mashable.com

WHY must I upload my resume and cover letter? You’re just going to make me add every single work position, education experience, and all my background information manually into little bitty boxes afterwards. Why do I even have a resume?

4. Running into Anyone

“Hey, you! What have you been up to lately?”
Oh, you know, job hunting and…. um…. nothing.

5. Having Zero Experience

Myspace / Via Myspace.com

I have accomplished a lot in my 22 years of living and I’m still unqualified for most job postings that exist today. No joke, I applied for a job this week that required 10+ years of social media experience. It’s 2014, Facebook started exactly 10 years ago and before that we only had MySpace. Look, I even tweeted about it. That’s social media experience, right?

6. People “Just Trying to Help”

I know you have a heart of gold, your advice is made after only careful analysis of my entire life, and your friend from college could actually probably help me, but sometimes people “trying to help” isn’t really helpful at all. “My friend of a friend’s dog sitter’s sister’s aunt has a Twitter and does marketing, maybe you can talk to her?”

7. “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.”

NBC/ 30 Rock / Via studentski.hr

The flip side of getting help from others is that you literally need to have connections in order to get a job today. So go ahead and call up that friend of a friend’s dog sitter’s sister’s aunt!

8. Cover Letters

The CW / Via gigamir.net

Cover Letters are just impossible, plain and simple. Not only do you have to write a new one for every single job you apply for (well, almost a new one), but it’s basically just a written out version of your resume. “Hi, I’m so and so and I’m applying for this position and here’s my entire life in one page. Attached I have another page describing my life, but with bullet points.”

9. Resumes

Fox / Via fangirly.com

Editing your resume is just one big game versus the margins. I have spent hours over a few spaces trying to fit in everything I could without ruining my perfect formatting. There’s also nothing worse than seeing someone else’s resume and suddenly realizing how terrible yours looks. Also also, how on earth can you possibly understand my complexity as a human from one sheet of paper?

10. Social Media

Big Ticket Entertainment / Via giphy.com

While I am a huge fan of social media, I can barely get on Facebook anymore without wanting to vomit. Not only do I have to deal with the hundreds of engagement/wedding/baby announcements, but it’s even worse dealing with thousands of “new job” stati. I can’t congratulate one more friend for accepting “a life changing position that (they are) #soblessed to have at such an #awesome company.”

11. Interviews

CBS / Via gifwave.com

Interviews are awkward for everyone. I cannot stress this enough. You’re trying to be professional while still being yourself. You want everyone to like you, but you don’t want to seem too fake. You try to adequately send “I’m perfect. Hire me” subliminal messages to your interviewer. However, no matter how hard you prepare, you’ll either forget everything once you’re asked or you’ll have better answers once you leave. I just interviewed for a social media marketing position that I loved and even though I had already come up with a hundred ways to re-vamp their social media strategy, I only mentioned one of the “okay” ideas. I left, walked out of the “interview fog”, and immediately wanted to rush back inside. BUT YOU CAN’T DO THAT. Ugh. I hate you, interviews.

12. Rejection

The cold sting of rejection is brutally painful. Does anybody else have more rejection letters than jobs they applied for? ….I’m asking for a friend.

13. Waiting.

Unemployment is made up of 90% waiting. My biggest weakness is patience because I like to get things done (see, it’s like I’m in an interview 24/7), and boy, this is testing every ounce of that.

14. Nothing.

The only thing worse than getting a rejection is hearing absolutely nothing. Rejection means you were probably somewhat of a contender for the position, but nothing means you’re clearly not even worth responding to once out of the race. You can only follow-up so many times.

15. Location, Location, Location.

You have probably found the most perfect job posting… 4 states away. The funny thing is that moving takes money and you kind of need a job to make money. Hilarious how that works, right?

16. Boredom.

Nickelodeon / Via imgur.com

The worst thing about not having a job is that all your friends have jobs. The first few days or weeks aren’t terrible when you get to finally catch up on sleep and Netflix, but there will come a very sad and pathetic day when you suddenly realize you’ve memorized the entire day time TV line up. Then you’ll start talking about your new friends “Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte” to make your life seem less boring…. or maybe that’s just me?

17. Parents

I love my parents so much, but they really don’t understand what it’s like trying to find a job in today’s market. I am constantly being asked, “Did you apply for any jobs today? Did you hear back from anyone you applied to yesterday?” NO! No, I’m sorry I yelled and I love you so much, but I haven’t heard anything because if I did, I would absolutely tell you so that you’ll stop asking.

18. Part-Time Jobs

NBC

Whether it’s being bored or broke that drives you to get a part-time job, you’ll eventually find yourself working some random gig. I started driving for Uber and give out my business cards to my riders, which is a great way to make some cash and network, but still not a livable wage. (But hey, use my promo code for 20% off your first ride: O9RQR)

19. The Laws of Motion.

Fox Pictures 2000 / Via impinky.tumblr.com

The Laws of Motion are amazingly applicable when unemployed. When I’m busy, it’s easy to run to the gym or other errands in between meetings because I’m already moving and out in the world. Being unemployed, you have all day to do nothing so going to the gym becomes easy to put off. A whole season of Game of Thrones later, you’re not going anywhere.

20. Stress

Being unemployed is one of the most stressful things you can go through because it naturally raises so many questions you have about your life. It also hits you when you least expect it. For example, you could be checking out job postings online and find something you might be interested in. You begin to apply and imagine yourself in that position. Suddenly, you’re wondering, “Is this a good fit for me? Does this job fit into my life plan? What is my life plan? What do I want to do with my life? What if I never find a job and my whole life is spent applying for jobs? What if I am never, ever employed again?!” *Dies from Panic Attack*

21. Being Unemployed.

Fox 2000 Pictures / Via giphy.com

Look, being unemployed is something pretty much everyone has to go through at some point(s) in their life. It’s not super fun, it’s stressful, but overall, it’s just a part of growing up. Staying determined and persistent will help you find a job or maybe even create your own job that is right for you. I’m telling you right now that it’s not super easy, but you have to keep trying. Eventually, you’ll be a happy, job-welding member of society that wishes you were FUNemployed again! Go get ‘em, Tiger!

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