Disney Princes Ranked By How Much My Jewish Mother Would Approve

"And what school does he go to?"

In honor of Hanukkah, here is a ranking of how I think my Jewish mother would approve of Disney Princes...assuming they were all "nice Jewish boys" to begin with.

10. John Smith: 1 out of 5 Matzo Balls

Walt Disney Studios/Loryn Brantz/BuzzFeed

My mom would definitely not approve of John Smith: He's prejudiced against certain people, chauvinistic, and disrespects Pocahontas' parents. On top of all of that he was voiced by Mel Gibson. Nope, nope, nope.

9. Prince Phillip: 2 out of 5 Matzo Balls

Walt Disney Studios/Loryn Brantz/BuzzFeed

My mom would take one look at Prince Phillip's ex girlfriend Aurora and be concerned. If I could convince her he isn't a "shiksa chaser," he may get approval.

8. Tarzan: 2 out of 5 Matzo Balls

Walt Disney Studios/Loryn Brantz/BuzzFeed

As much as my mom would like Tarzan as a person, he's probably a little wild for dating approval. Even more troubling though, he lives far away and she'd be worried I would move to live in the jungle with him, with no cell phone service, and she'd never hear from me again.

7. Hercules: 2.5 out of 5 Matzo Balls

Walt Disney Studios/Loryn Brantz/BuzzFeed

While my mom would definitely enjoy the eye candy aspect, I don't think she could get past his questionable life goals of "becoming a hero." He would need to buckle down and get a "real job."

6. Prince Charming: 3 out of 5 Matzo Balls

Walt Disney Studios/Loryn Brantz/BuzzFeed

My mom would like Prince Charming OK. He's a little "vanilla" for her tastes, but she would appreciate the ambition and determination he showed by trying the glass slipper on every woman in town.

5. The Beast: 3.5 out 5 Matzo Balls

Walt Disney Studios/Loryn Brantz/BuzzFeed

I think my mom would really like the Beast. He's well-read, owns a house, is considerate, and most importantly is almost as hairy as my father (a good sign of virility!). That said, if she ever found out about the time he held Belle captive, he wouldn't be setting foot in our house again.

4. Li Shang: 4 out of 5 Matzo Balls

Walt Disney Studios/Loryn Brantz/BuzzFeed

My mom would be both impressed and nervous about his job as an army captain, but ultimately would come around and approve. He's hardworking, respects his elders, and would definitely be the most athletic guy I've ever brought home.

3. Aladdin: 4 out of 5 Matzo Balls

Walt Disney Studios/Loryn Brantz/BuzzFeed

My mom would have to approve of Aladdin in spite of the whole street urchin thing, because she wouldn't want to risk losing me — Aladdin is my soulmate and she can't stop us from being together.

2. Kristoff: 4.5 out of 5 Matzo Balls

Walt Disney Studios/Loryn Brantz/BuzzFeed

My mom would absolutely approve of Kristoff. He's hardworking, thoughtful, and cute. And to be honest, my family would fit right in with our potential in-laws.

1. Prince Eric: All the Matzo Balls!

Walt Disney Studios/Loryn Brantz/BuzzFeed

DING DING DING! My mom would LOVE Prince Eric. Not only is he a prince, but he would love me unconditionally even if I couldn't speak or was once a sea creature. Not to mention he looks great in a kippah.

Happy Hanukkah!