1. “Welp, we are literally five minutes into this and I already know that this was a terrible mistake. Wheee!”
5. “… I’m sorry, did you just make a weird joke about getting married? TO ME? AFTER TALKING FOR THIRTY MINUTES?”
8. “Uh, I feel like I need to do some fact-checking on some of the crap that’s spewing forth from your mouth right now.”
Here Are The Top Stories
- The death penalty should still be considered for Colorado theater shooter James Holmes, a jury decided.
- President Obama unveiled a climate change plan on Monday that calls for federal limits on the amount of carbon power plants can produce.
- California Gov. Jerry Brown called for a state of emergency as wildfires burned thousands of acres by Sunday and forced hundreds of evacuations.