Why Everything Gluten Is AWESOME

Gluten-free may be the new trend, but this holiday season you would be silly to not partake in everything that gluten has to offer. (unless you truly have celiac disease, in which case don’t do this because you’ll get hives and it’s gross).

1. Your Grandparents Recommend it

Ever hear your grandparents talk about when they used to go to the ice cream shoppe and order a “malt”? WELL GUESS WHAT!? Malts are filled with gluten. Tons of it. Good luck telling grandma she’s a racist AND her beloved malts are evil.

2. Cutting out Gluten will NOT Magically Make You Skinny

Despite stupid people who tell you otherwise, unless you have a legit gluten allergy or are reducing the overall amount of carbohydrates you’re eating, gluten-free alone will not make you skinny. You’re crazy. It might make you feel less bloated at first, but WHO CARES if it means you can eat THIS. (And yes, there are high levels of gluten in processed cheese)

3. Everyone Will Hate You

It’s true. Gluten-free is the new vegan. You suck. Your hearts are in the right place but everyone around you wants to murder you when you ask the waitress at the shitty diner you’ve eaten at for years if they have a gluten-free menu. Here’s a secret: even if they do have a gluten free menu, you’re probably also eating unsanitary food products way worse than gluten.

4. Short Summary: Gluten is Great (If It Doesn’t Make You Break Out in Hives)

Why? BECAUSE OF THIS

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