1. You’ve been clobbered by one of these.
Ten points if you can toss it around your partner’s neck!
2. You long for the chance to try out the AED.
Mostly so you can use the extra defibrillator pad to rip off someone’s chest hair.
3. You know at least three ways of doing CPR.
Is it 15 compressions to two respirations? Or the other way around…?
4. You understand the pain of guarding early-morning lap swim.
What kind of masochist thinks 5 a.m. is an appropriate time to go swimming? The sun isn’t even awake yet, people.
5. Your keychain sports one of these babies.
Only use it if something’s actually happening.
6. You know about everyone’s “hidden” tattoos.
There’s only so much a swimsuit will hide.
7. You sometimes accidentally enforce pool rules in your outside life.
8. You know waaayyy more about the lives of swimmers than they realize.
Oh hey there. Yup, that’s me here, overhearing every word you’re saying.
9. That awkward moment when you run into a pool regular at the grocery store.
“Um, wow, look who it is! Uhh…nice to see you…clothed?”
10. You’ve witnessed more crack than a tenured plumber.
11. There are days when your only prayer is that someone will poop in the pool.
Preschool field trip day? God is listening.
12. You’ve seen an impressive amount of creativity when it comes to swimming strokes.
Is that supposed to be breaststroke, or back crawl? Because pretty sure it’s neither.
13. You cry inside when your friends ask you to hang out with them at the pool.
It’s like going to work without getting paid.