1. The time you were so over Britney and needed a new leader and lo, Beyoncé was there.
2. The time you hated your job and realized you could finally pursue your teenage dream career. Thanks, Jane!
3. The time you were so fucking bored until you tried “4 haircolors in 4 weeks” and suddenly life was interesting again.
4. The time that you had gone wayyyyyyy too long without getting laid that you were almost at your wits’ end until: FREE ORGASMS PAGE 80.
5. The time you learned Charlize was even cooler and more down-to-earth than you originally imagined and you knew you had to make her your BFF.
6. The time you realized life could be worse: You could be Britney. Also: Free expensive jacket inside?! Yes, please. Also: How did they get it in there?
7. The time a manapalooza solved everything because GUYYYYYS guys guys guys guys guys. You love guys.
8. The time that nothing was more important than finding out exactly “what the hell is wrong with Angelina Jolie?” Also: You’re gonna be a model. Again! Yayyyy!
9. The time you realized ’90s Mariah was the best Mariah. (You could see the future.)
10. The time “effortless hair” didn’t actually work. But believing it could be a reality kept you going.
11. The time you realized you had become a scary corporate drone until you learned how to never dress like a businesslady ever again.
12. The time you knew Beck “the advice columnist” was about to offer you the greatest pearls of wisdom ever.
14. The time you desperately needed to know the answer to this question. Because then all you have to do is find those people having the best sex and have sex with them.
15. The time you cried, “Nobody loves me!” Until Jane pointed out that that was completely untrue.
16. The time when it was the holidays and you were so depressingly broke and basically crying into a bottle about how you’re the worst human being ever…until Jane offered you a solution, and was like “so you’re thoughtless, NBD.”
17. Um, no one passes up on “Ben Affleck in his dressing room.” This is what people live for.
18. The time you were feeling guilty about having drinks again that week until you saw that yes, booze makes you a fucking goddess. Alcohol is delicious. It makes you feel good. Screw the guilt trip, beer me!
19. The time you were just so ready to give up until John Mayer offered to tell you about guys faking it. John Mayer knows a lot about this. He must have issues. You’re bizarrely intrigued.
20. The time Jane fulfilled every American’s ultimate goal — sex with a celebrity. This gave you hope that one day, you and Brad Pitt would finally join souls.
21. The time you literally wanted to wear a bag over your head because your skin was THE WORST. Until suddenly there was hope that you could look like Uma. Yessss.
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