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66 Thoughts Every ’90s Kid Had At The Mall

My parents just don’t understand that a lava lamp is a really good investment.

Paramount/Netflix

 

::Car packed with pre-teens blasting and singing along to Savage Garden’s “I Want You” pulls up to mall. Mom looks like she is on the brink of completely losing her mind::

1. GTFO here, mom.
2. Yes, I know, we’ll see you at 7 p.m.
3. On the dot. GOT IT OK BYEEEE.

::Pushes through the gates that are Food Court heaven::

4. Ahh, the sweet aromas of Panda Express and Sbarro.
5. Ooo! Dippin’ Dots! That will be my post-shopping treat.
6. Or Orange Julius? Decisions, decisions.
7. Oh man, what on EARTH do they put in those magical Mrs. Fields giant cookies? Because those smells are getting me high.
8. Where should we go first? I mean, I definitely need more ribbed tank tops from the Gap.
9. Chain wallets from Hot Topic?
10. NO I KNOW: Denim capris from Abercrombie. Yesss.
11. SO MANY SHINY CLOTHINGS AHHH! We have so much to do before we meet the others for Lethal Weapon 4.
12. I can’t believe no one wanted to see The Parent Trap.
13. One day I will meet Lindsay Lohan, and I will show her around this mall and it will be awesome.

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14. OK, first stop: Afterthoughts.
15. Fimo clay hair clips? Yup.
16. Rhinestone bobby pins: Yes, please.
17. TOE RINGS OMG TOE RINGS.
18. Silver nail polish? Cool! I don’t know why they didn’t think of making that color sooner.
19. I’m going to wear these hair clips right now. Yesss my part looks so flat and awesome.
20. Moving on … Spencer’s? Yeah, OK.
21. Oh man, I want that lava lamp soooo bad.
22. I cannot afford that lava lamp. And my parents would never get it for me. Grrr.
23. Oh my god, this fake poo is hilarious. Fake poo!
24. I’ve always wanted one of those cool blacklight posters with the mushrooms. I don’t know why my mom won’t let me get one.

Tim Boyle / Getty Images

25. Ooo! Claire’s! Yes, we have to go to Claire’s.
26. We should get BFF necklaces yesss that is SUCH a good idea.
27. Except there are five people in our group, so now we’re just standing here looking at the BFF necklaces and everything is awkward.
28. Whatever, I’m just going to get these and *say* they’re both for me. And then secretly I will give one to my favorite person.
29. These hoop earrings are totally me.
30. What if I got something pierced?
31. My belly button?
32. With a little butterfly charm?
33. I could hide it from my mom, right?
34. Whatever. I’ll just get these earrings that look like footprints. And the friends necklace.
35. Obviously, next stop is Sam Goody.
36. Singles I am definitely getting: Aaliyah, Macarena, Shania Twain (because I’m not really into country but I like that one song), and THE BOY IS MIiiiIIiiine I’m sorry that youuuu seem to be confuuUUuuuUuused.
37. I can’t believe I got all this music for like $10. A steal!

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38. Hey guys, can we just breeze through Limited Too? Maybe those plastic floral address books are on sale.
39. Nope. Let’s go to Bath & Body Works.
40. Juniper Breeze body spray. Now that is the bomb.
41. Yes, the sink is free! Gonna try out this Freesia soap and then Cucumber Melon stuff.
42. But this Country Apple body splash is very interesting. The scent is … flirty, yet sophisticated.
43. Eeee! Finally! Abercrombie!
44. I really want these cargo pants.
45. I really want these destroyed flare jeans.
46. I really want this hoodie that says “Abercrombie” on it.
47. This store makes me feel sexy.
48. I am sexy and I know it.
49. You guys! Wet Seal! Wet Seal! ALKJSl;fjda;lkdjskdfalj!
50. Baby tees everywhere!
51. This plastic micro-mini will make me look H-O-T at the dance.
52. And this shiny belt? EeeeEEeeEE.
53. Shoot, we’re running out of time. We’re never going to be able to go to Old Navy, Merry Go Round, 5-7-9, and Deb.

54. And now we definitely don’t have time to go try on padded satin bras at Victoria’s Secret.
55. Ugh, I’m too embarrassed to do that anyhow.
56. We have time to go in Hot Topic though, right? Real quick. Yes? Yes!
57. Flames! I want a wallet with flames on it. Then I’d look kind of edgy.
58. I mean, I’m not a goth or emo but I could still wear these platform Mary Janes, right?
59. Or these plaid hip huggers?
60. And everyone is wearing ballchain necklaces these days. EVERYONE.
61. And doggie tags. Yes. These are SO good. Getting these.

Bill Pugliano/Liaison

::Glances at Tiny Toons watch, realizes Lethal Weapon 4 is beginning in two minutes. Runs through mall::

62. Oh shoot, we didn’t even get to go to Yankee Candle!
63. Ahh, I keep forgetting that those custom photo shirts are such a good gift idea.
64. Shit, will I even have time to get Sour Straws before the movie?
65. I can’t believe I spent my entire allowance today.
66. Maybe I can get a job at the Dippin’ Dots stand?

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