Here’s what happens when you live together and your significant other goes out of town…
1. You’re sad they’re leaving, but you are also kind of looking forward to having the house to yourself.
I mean. Not really looking forward to it, but it’s just what you tell yourself.
2. Like, you’re gonna binge-watch all the TV shows they absolutely hate.
Girls or Designing Women? Ooo! Or My Cat From Hell!
3. And make/eat all the foods they won’t eat.
4. And when you’re not stuffing your face and frying your brain with Designing Women episodes, you’re going to catch up with all the people you tend to blow off.
6. Except the novelty of peeing with the bathroom door open gets old fast. And you begin to realize being home alone is like a giant barf bag of loneliness.
7. At which point you start turning into a crazy person.
8. You start sending your boyfriend/girlfriend completely non-essential texts all day long.
“Hi honey just sent you an email text me when you get it. We are out of paper towels brb going to get some.”
9. And become paranoid when they don’t respond right away.
WHY haven’t you texted back? ARE YOU HAVING FUN WITHOUT ME?
10. For a lack of better things to do, you decide to clean the house … the way you like to clean it.
11. And rearrange their stuff the way you want it … hoping they won’t notice.
13. At night, you begin hearing noises you didn’t even realize your house made and suddenly everything is terrifying.
14. NO SERIOUSLY. WTF IS THAT NOISE I’M PROBABLY ABOUT TO BE MURDERED BYE I LOVE YOU MOM.
Oh, it’s the fridge.
15. You find yourself constantly checking in on your S.O.’s social media activity and nothing seems right … even though that’s all completely in your head.
I AM FUCKING LOSING MY MIND.
16. You think maybe the cat is starting to have psychological issues because she thinks she’s now living in a single-parent household.
Daddy’ll be home soon … brb, Googling “cat psychologists.”
17. Like a creep, you may find yourself just touching your loved one’s things from time to time.
19. You tell yourself that you’re being ridiculous. (Because you are.)
But you can’t help it if you have feelings, right? Stupid feelings.
20. So you just focus on their return. It’s cool, I’ll just wait like this until you come home.
Countdown to hug-a-palooza!
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