Phase 1: Get Motivated
In order to appreciate the richness of working life, you must first completely burn out. Spend some time giving the world a general “ugh.”
Don’t go straight into your chosen career. Get a supremely shitty job first. Then take satisfaction in quitting it.
Phase 2: Search and Apply
Now set out on your search. Cast your net wide.
Get a book like this one that will tell you how to write a resume.
Write your resume.
Or just copy the one from the book. Whatever.
When you go in for the interview, dress for the part. (Hint: briefcase.)
Phase 3: Settling Into Your New Career and Learning the Ropes
Congrats! You have a job. Now act like it. OWN THAT SHIT.
Every boss will have her quirks; just do whatever she asks.
Master complicated faxing technologies.
And learn the computers.
You may feel overwhelmed at first. Don’t be! Just do one thing at a time.
Or find someone else to secretly do your work for you.
Phase 4: Getting Ahead and Moving Up the Ladder
Put in long hours. You may have to work nights.
…just know that she’s probably just taking out something else on you. She probably just needs to vent.
If you want to get ahead, know how to command a room.
Phase 5: Win
Do all this and your boss will love you!
- Dylann Roof wants to plead guilty to the charges against him in the Charleston church shooting, his attorney said, but a judge entered a not guilty plea for him on Friday.
- The U.S. Coast Guard has suspended its search for two teenagers who went missing a week ago off the coast of Florida.
- Beijing will host the 2022 Winter Olympics, becoming the first city to host both the summer and winter games.