The 14 Scariest Books Published In The ’80s

Touch Me: The Poems of Suzanne Somers is only the beginning. Shudder.

1. The Teen I Want to Be

Do the popular girls make your life miserable? Do you wear a T-shirt over your swimsuit at pool parties? Has Todd Smith never registered your presence? Now you can change all that…

It even has little checklists so you can scrutinize your shortcomings on paper.

2. Fabulous Salads

Otherwise known as Lying to Yourself.

3. Hairstyles for Real People

Are you one of these “over 30” types? Congratulations! You are now a “real” person who can wear these hairstyles.

4. The 1980’s: Countdown to Armageddon

OH GODDD NOOOOOOOO!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! Here’s a book to scare the living crap out of you: “11 chapters about how and why the world is coming to an end, including biblical prophecy, analysis of trouble in the Middle East, and political issues surrounding the end of days.”

5. Secrets of Staying in Love

A book for sad women who had the misfortune of living in a time with no Fifty Shades of Grey.

6. How to Be a Really Nice Person

Scary because this means that the person reading this book is the world’s meanest person.

7. Safe Places for the 80s

Where the yuppies are or where they aren’t…depending.

8. Pumping Iron Without Pain

The thought of ending up looking like this…palms sweating…hyperventilating…panic attack setting in.

9. Who Killed CBS?

20 years and 2 Broke Girls later, we’re still wondering the same thing.

10. A Generation At Risk

“Informative” publication warning about “kids’ drug pressure: crack and wine coolers.”

11. Your TV Twins

Consider the following: This author wants you to legitimately “know yourself” and “improve yourself” by close study of Fonzie. It will take years of real therapy to undo the damage.

12. Touch Me: The Poems of Suzanne Somers

Read the excerpt below if you dare…

13. Programmed for Love

A teaser from Goodreads (from someone who can’t spell “computer”): “Katie’s first computor course turns out to be full of suprises when the teacher assigns each student a secret computor pal. Katie begins exchanging electronic letters with her mystery partner STX1150…Can Katie learn her computor pal’s identity without losing her new love?”

14. Ceramic Projects: Dolls

How to make creepy-ass dolls.

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