1. Misguided Youth
Who, exactly: This posse at top is clearly up to no good…wearing their backwards caps and using their boom-boxes as bongo drums, flagrantly disregarding a boom-box’s original use. The hooligans at bottom deign to dance on a roof.
Why: Because they are growing boys.
2. People With Briefcases
Who, exactly: Professionals who are very good at Windows 95.
Why: Because they must feed their misguided youth children.
3. People in the Same Room as People With Briefcases
Who, exactly: Whomever is in the right place at the right time.
Why:This cleaning woman knew the moment she saw this briefcase-wielding man that CHICKEN!!!!!
4. Government Employees
Who, exactly: Police men, postal workers.
5. Senior Citizens
Who, exactly: Your grandparents, old ladies who take up the whole block while walking too slow.
Why: Chicken because it is cheap. Tonight, because who knows about tomorrow.
6. Average Joes: The Backbone of America
Who, exactly: Your jovial neighborhood newsstand guy, truck drivers, waiters.
Why: Because everyone likes chicken.
7. Over-Excited Real Estate Brokers
Who, exactly: Hard-working people who know how to close a sale.
Why: Because celebrating a good day at work is nothing without chicken.
8. Motorcycle Chicks
Who, exactly: Tori from Saved by the Bell.
Why: ‘Cause she finds Chicken Tonight’s concept badass: if you’re gonna live for today, you might as well live for tonight. With chicken.
9. Your Neighborhood Grocers
Who, exactly: Cultural stereotypes.
Why: Because they sell Chicken Tonight in their store? It’s just in aisle three, next to the Hamburger Helper.
10. People Willing to Make Fools of Themselves in Public
Who, exactly: This crazy lady.
Why: She has no idea. She doesn’t even know she’s in a Chicken Tonight commercial.
11. Your Mom
Who, exactly: YOUR MOM.
Why: Because it is a universally accepted truth that moms like chicken.