“Seventeen’s” 1999 Guide To Figuring Out If You’re Emo

Did you use the pickup line, “Blog here often”? If so, I’m very sorry for you.

1. Try, if you will, to think back to the year 1999. Do you remember how you were grappling with an incredibly important question? The one that would become central to your identity: “AM I EMO?”

Remember also, how Seventeen magazine offered an answer, and you were like “Oh thank goddddddddd.” Weezer played as the clouds parted, and you briefly saw the sun through your side-swept greasy bangs.

2. Everything you needed to become emo in 1999:

1. Black hair dye
2. Backpack
3. Striped shirt
4. Discman
5. Studded belt and bracelets
6. Dark denim jeans
7. Clunky shoes
8. Fun socks
9. Geeky glasses
10. Vintage t-shirts
11. Too-small sweaters
12. Key chain
13. Deep reads
14. Sneakers

3. Let’s take a closer look at the highlights…

4. Emos apparently had their own dating codes:

(1) Do you blog here often?
(2) Wanna trade mix tapes?
(3) Your hair is everywhere. Mind if I brush it out of your face?
(4) I really loved your set tonight.
(5) Is that a Promise Ring 12-inch in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

6. No blondes allowed! Also, apparently emo kids were carrying around vinyl in their backpacks.

7. This suddenly makes me very confused on the differences between emo and hipster.

8. “Wear it janitor-style!”

9. An emo’s preferred accessory? “Deep reads.” Which in no way sounds like a niche porn category.

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