1. Never knowing what to do for your birthday.
SO MUCH PRESSURE.
2. Feeling like a loser for planning your own party. Because it’s uncool to be excited about your own birthday.
Don’t you know everyone is supposed to hate birthdays? What, are you like OBSESSED with yourself or something?
3. Having to drop hints to your friends that you want them to arrange something for your birthday.
Because you shouldn’t have to make all the plans yourself, right?
4. Saying “you too” when someone tells you “happy birthday.”
5. When someone decides to send you a happy birthday text like this. Especially if it comes at an inopportune time.
Like when you are in the restroom at work. Or in a meeting.
6. Getting a card that someone else thinks is ~hiLaRiOus~ and then having to pretend it’s funny, too.
HAHAHA DO YOU ALSO FIND IT FUNNY THAT YOU’RE A DICK? HAHA.
7. Inviting the wrong mix of people to your party and the result is a socially awkward disaster.
8. When your office gives you the standard birthday they do several times a month for everyone else.
Fanfare is dead. Let’s just get this over with and go back to work.
9. Or worse, when someone in your office decides to draw REAL attention to your birthday, except it usually just confuses everyone.
What’s all this for? OH RIGHT HAPPY BIRTHDAY….?
10. When the waitstaff at a restaurant sing you a happy birthday song, and everyone is looking at you.
What do I do what do I do.
12. Making plans of your own that totally botch the setup of a surprise party.
Why can’t I just go to the movies by myself? It’s a free country! Where are you taking me? This isn’t the movies.
13. Getting an automated text like this on your birthday.
Gee. Thanks. I GET IT I AM OLD NOW.
14. When people don’t make a big deal out of your birthday because they just assume you’re a birthday-hater.
I said that birthdays are dumb ONCE. ONE TIME.
15. If someone has the *brilliant* idea of getting you one of those “over-the-hill” gifts making fun of how “old” you are.
A tombstone? For me? No, I don’t already have one! Thank you.
16. When your friends clearly forget about your birthday, but then pull something together last minute.
At least you all still love me.
17. When your friends clearly forget about your birthday, and don’t even make an effort.
Crying in the bathroom if you need me. Which you don’t. Obviously.
18. Hearing from only a few people on your birthday and wondering if anyone cares.
AW FUCK, I had that Facebook birthday notification thing turned OFF? (Still. No one remembered.)
19. When your parents make sex jokes on the day you turn older.
Nice. Definitely not thinking about parents sexing right now.
20. Getting a gift you have absolutely no fucking clue what to do with.
Oh, thank you! This will look so lovely … at the bottom of my trash bin.