3. Make your girls wear them, too. If you don’t have a hat, you can’t sit with us.
4. Put a whole mess of ribbons on that shit.
5. Make your hat look like a giant pencil shaving.
7. If you can’t put a bird on it, at least put on a feather.
8. Have your hat take the shape of a frowny-face.
11. But too-small hats are just unreasonable.
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