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    First Lady Bess Truman's Guide To Wearing Silly Hats

    Harry Truman's woman knew how to sport those upside-down bowl things.

    Put a flag in it.

    Emulate Captain Hook.

    Make your girls wear them, too. If you don't have a hat, you can't sit with us.

    Put a whole mess of ribbons on that shit.

    Make your hat look like a giant pencil shaving.

    Balls.

    If you can't put a bird on it, at least put on a feather.

    Have your hat take the shape of a frowny-face.

    Party in the back.

    Small hats are good.

    But too-small hats are just unreasonable.