First Lady Bess Truman’s Guide To Wearing Silly Hats

Harry Truman’s woman knew how to sport those upside-down bowl things.

1. Put a flag in it.

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2. Emulate Captain Hook.

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3. Make your girls wear them, too. If you don’t have a hat, you can’t sit with us.

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4. Put a whole mess of ribbons on that shit.

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5. Make your hat look like a giant pencil shaving.

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6. Balls.

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7. If you can’t put a bird on it, at least put on a feather.

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8. Have your hat take the shape of a frowny-face.

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9. Party in the back.

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10. Small hats are good.

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11. But too-small hats are just unreasonable.

Image by Patrick McElhenney/FOX