1. OK so apparently the Aggro Crag on G.U.T.S. is actually really tall. HOLY SHIT.
Don’t look down.
2. Also, knowing that before you get to the top, you need to go through a cloud of glitter. Which would probably choke and/or blind you.
3. Seriously, is a football helmet really going to save you from this scenario of total doom?
4. Forget that the task at hand involves assembling some creepy hanging body…everything on Double Dare was covered in some variety of slime.
5. I literally don’t think I could deal with having one of those What Would You Do mystery card on my forehead for more than five seconds.
Because you know you end up getting the mystery card that instructs you to do something awful. Like reveal your hidden talent. AND NOWWWW the pressure is on, isn’t it?!?!
6. I mean. How many head injuries did Double Dare have to deal with? That floor is a lawsuit waiting to happen.
7. I now know why Legends of the Hidden Temple made my mother so nervous. This is clearly a very stupid way to cross a river of fog.
8. Oh my…someone’s going to get their ankle broken on this G.U.T.S. obstacle.
9. From What Would You Do: Being forced to eat this dessert out of your hands on TV would give you nightmares for years.
10. Of course, there’s also the dread of knowing this is coming on Wild and Crazy Kids.
11. Remember Nick Arcade? A totally un-scary show until the end challenge, when two innocent children disappeared into…where exactly?
::Breaks out in sweats::
12. G.U.T.S.: Do you have ‘em? NOPE.
13. It’s just TV, obbbbviously, but kids on Nick Arcade being “transformed” into digital video game beings? Shudder.
Let’s be straight: IT WAS ALL REAL.
14. Run on this spinning disc of doom on Legends of the Hidden Temple until it flings you off into oblivion.
::Hee hoo hee hoo::
15. Is there anything more terrifying than a bunch of hyper 11-year-olds wielding foam bats on Wild and Crazy Kids?
::Reaches for bottle of Xanax::
16. What Would You Do’s “thing” was that giant pie slide. But just think about how you’d probably be finding rotten bits of whipped cream in weird places for weeks after.
17. Oh my god, lady. Why are you eating that! You don’t know what kind of crazy stuff goes into TV whipped cream.
18. And then there’s this. The absolutely most disturbing element of any kids’ game show ever: The Temple Guards on Legends of the Hidden Temple.
They were always there, waiting in the shadows…to grab you. Just knowing that they could be anywhere was probably worse than the actual grabbing. I think.