19 Things Victoria Magazine Taught Us

Did you or your mom have a subscription to this ’80s/’90s magazine dedicated to all things lacey, flowery, and beautiful?

1. Dress like an American Girl doll.

2. Find a field of violets. Then go live in it.

3. Make sure your bed is a place no man would ever want to visit.

4. Bathe thy world in the glorious colors of blue and white.

6. Fuck yeah, BLUE AND MOTHERFUCKING WHITE!!!

7. Dream-life status attainment: An afternoon spent in your wicker bed reading correspondence written on floral stationery while you gingerly sip your vanilla-passion-brambleberry tea.

8. Of course, have a cat. Preferably a ginger one you name something quaint like “Nutmeg” or “Lady Aurora.”

9. Fuck it, just wear that 19th century bustle to the office already. You know you want to.

10. You should live in a house like this where the toilets still have old-fashioned pull chains and the fridge is called an icebox.

11. You are a woman who delights in the fine art of wildflower arrangement.

12. If you don’t have a garden… OH GOD… How could you not have a garden?

13. Decorate inanimate objects with 18th-century nobility childrenswear.

14. One must know the soul of a rose. You are incomplete without this deeply philosophical understanding.

15. Come autumn, wear lots of flannel and prance among the foliage with children and kittens.

16. THE simplest pleasure is not sex nor chocolate nor a good book; it’s standing sideways over your antique basin sink as you wash your face.

17. You too can dress like a courtisan.

18. And let’s just admit it. This new-fangled age of technology blows. Make your life look like a goddamned Edith Wharton novel.

19. For what could be better than spending a day poised in ladylike dress, stationed at your antique (antiquesss!!) writing desk, bathing in the glorious light you pretend is from the Cotswolds.

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