1. A.J. McLean’s Florida mansion was like a Grecian Holiday Inn.
2. Pamela Anderson’s beachside pad is the aftermath of Jo-Ann Fabric’s really bad stomach flu.
3. Kerr Smith (aka Jack from “Dawson’s Creek”) lives here?
To be fair, I think this tour may have been of a ski/mountain house or something.
4. Beverley Mitchell’s house: depressingly ordinary.
5. Destiny’s Child’s house in Houston, Texas is clearly the evil work of Tina Knowles.
No doubt about it: Tina controlled every square inch of that place. She covered everything in saris.
6. I love you, Beyonce. I do not love that dresser.
7. Beyonce goes into Kelly’s closet and pulls out a Candie’s shoe box. This is where Kelly keeps relics from past relationships. I am now so sad. Can we leave.
8. Oh wait, this is Solange’s room. It’s actually a charming reminder of teen dÃ©cor of the early 2000s. But soooo shiny.
And it was a converted garage and basically her own private house. So she didn’t have to see anyone.
9. Snoop Dogg’s dining room. Weird and empty with that one piece of furniture in the back.
And wall-to-wall carpeting. Celebrities seem to like wall-to-wall carpeting.
10. Hanson’s NYC apartment was actually pretty cool. But what was up with the chair-a-palooza?
Seriously. Why do you have so many chairs.
11. Usher likes earthy things like crystals. That’s cool, I suppose.
12. Except they’re everywhere.
13. And this is Usher’s bedroom.
14. And this is Usher’s fridge.
15. Of course, Mariah’s “MTV Cribs” tour will live in sorrowful infamy. Here she is telling us about how she owns Marilyn Monroe’s piano.
But she’s not going to show it to us. Because doing so would chip away the last remaining morsel of her soul.
16. This is Mariah’s downstairs kitchen, where her friends can enjoy snacks. And she can have like maybe one bite of something.
Girl, I get it. It’s a struggle.
17. WTF Mariah taking a dog out of the dryer???
18. Oh Goddddd. The Butterfly Room. Where she keeps teddy bears and fan letters.
The room where you can find Mariah when she goes to the dark side.
19. And Mariah’s bathtub. Which was never to be used when fully nude. Towels required.
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