2. The ad with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in spandex short-shorts and high socks.
3. The ’80s commercial with Jennifer Love Hewitt and her boyfriend…Santa Claus. Shudder.
4. These girls who think ice cream floats are the shit.
5. These girls who look even cooler than the ice cream girls.
6. The look on that girl’s face. And the Ryan Gosling wannabe.
7. There was that time when Paula Abdul was an L.A. Gear spokesperson…
8. And when Paula Abdul did a commercial that went like this…
I still burn toast.
I still get colds.
I still listen to my mom.
But no one tells me how to dance.
9. Michael Jackson with tights under ripped jeans and a bunch of kids.
10. Michael Jackson in an auto shop with this kid. Who has awesome hair. And is demonstrating to Michael how to use a steering wheel.
Michael is clearly humoring him because there are zero reasons why he needs to use a steering wheel.
11. Michael Jackson with another kid, who is clearly a punk.
14. When Joe Montana also worked with L.A. Gear. And they branded “Street Hiking” as a thing.
15. This totally-not-sexist ’80s commercial with Kathy Ireland.
Kathy on cars or shoes or women or all of the above: “They’re responsive, temperamental, very expensive, and they have great curves. And if you try and start them too fast, they stall.”
Definitely-not-gay dude: “You’re such a brat!”
16. Okay, so these kids are kind of cute. Still…Acid. Wash. Jeans.
17. And you wore these. Which makes you cringe…even though it kind of makes you cool.
“You gotta own the night if you wanna own the light.”