1. He says the complete opposite of what he actually feels. He DOESN’T LIKE YOU, OK?
2. He always says your name in greeting and never just “hey.”
3. If he engages in physical combat with you.
4. Does he make you feel like a total jackass? Congrats! He likes you!
5. If he never initiates contact face-to-face.
6. If he makes fun of your appearance.
7. If he is comfortable with — nay, compelled by — the freaky contents of your handbag.
8. If you ever catch him observing your beauty through a camera. Sometimes they need to pretend to be Spielberg to understand their own feelings.
9. Has he started dressing differently?
10. In, like, “cool” outfits?
11. And even potentially risky ones?
12. He might sign up for something or learn a new skill related to your interests, hoping that he might either a) spend more time near you, b) impress you, or c) both!
13. When all else fails, something like this might happen. At which point you’ll be like, “Oh, obviously. Cool.”
14. But this philosophy and way of life is far more common for the male species. UGH.
This is not true, James Franco!
15. In the end, they’ll probably make some passive (but heart-stopping) move like just effing holding your hand. Done. Boom. Likes you. Now go make out.
In The News Today
- California Republican Kevin McCarthy has dropped out of the race to be the next speaker of the U.S. House. ›
- FIFA has suspended its president Sepp Blatter, secretary general Jerome Valcke, and vice-president Michel Platini for 90 days. ›
- It could take more than a year for Volkswagen to fix all its cars with diesel engines rigged to evade emissions tests, the company's U.S. CEO said. ›