14 Ways To Guarantee A Life Of Loneliness According To "Seinfeld"

Do the opposite of these things and nothing bad will ever happen to you on Valentine’s Day.

1. Do not introduce yourself to potential mates like this.

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2. Don’t try to change her.

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3. Don’t fess up to this. It doesn’t make you look cool.

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4. Being in a relationship with yourself is the same thing as being alone. And lame.

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5. “Walks” are not viable date activities.

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6. Do not dress like this.

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7. Or this.

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8. Do not attempt to infiltrate your date’s mind by singing “Co-sta-nza” to the “By Mennen” jingle. (Even if it kinda works.)

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9. Oh, sure.

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10. Never, ever say this while doing the grown-up.

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11. This concept is guaranteed to backfire.

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12. While it’s hard for women to resist the offer of a good thumb-wrestling match, it’s not enough to prevent them from leaving you.

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13. …

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14. And then, of course, there’s this method of seduction. At least you’ll have the preservation of your youth to enjoy. Alone.

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