1. Why (and how) do all the spouses die?
At the beginning of the story, Cinderella’s mother is dead. Her father marries Lady Tremaine (aka Evil Stepmother) who is also a widow. Then Cinderella’s dad dies. The King is also a widower. What happened to these people? Is it something in the water?
2. How did Cinderella’s father even fall for this crazy cougar?
How do singles meet up in the magic kingdom? Is there a bar where they all go? It’s implied that Cinderella’s father didn’t re-marry for love, but rather because he thought his daughter needed a mother. There must have been other (ahem, younger) women available, right?
3. What the hell does “Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo” mean?
And furthermore, what language is that?
4. Aren’t slippers made of glass a bit impractical?
First of all. High heels are already uncomfortable. Glass heels sound like a recipe for blister city. And aren’t they just going to break when you dance or run or whatever?
5. How old are the stepsisters?
Because they look mad old. And why live at home when your mom is that annoying?
6. What is this dude’s name???
For real. He’s not once referred to by name. “Prince Charming” may be what he’s popularly known as, but in the movie he’s only ever called simply, “the prince.” (As a side note: When Cinderella runs off at midnight, he yells after her that he doesn’t know her name. Isn’t that the first thing people learn about each other? Let’s hope they learned each others’ names before they got married.)
7. What’s up with the King’s psychological issues?
He is obsessed with finding a wife for the Prince. Does the Prince even want to get married? Watch this as a grown-up and you’ll see the King as the saddest, most messed up character — he’s desperate for grandchildren, he’s lonely, and has violence and rage issues.
8. How do they seriously not recognize Cinderella at the ball?
Guys. She’s still the same person. Different outfit. She might clean up nice in those fancy clothes but she doesn’t look any different.
9. What do the Prince and Cinderella talk about?
They must have had some amazing conversation that night that caused them to fall in love, right? What was his opening line? What made them hit it off? (Good looks aren’t everything.)
10. Why don’t the glass slippers disappear with the rest of Cinderella’s ball stuff?
At midnight, Cinderella’s dress, hair, and carriage all disintegrate. (OMG does that mean the footmen are brought to life and then die?) It’s kind of a crappy deal when your Fairy Godmother is all, “Here’s some stuff to wear, but you can’t keep it. Okay, fine, you can keep the shoes.” It’s almost as if FG knew this would happen. And c’mon, doesn’t she totally have the powers to just make everything else in Cinderella’s life better?
11. Why do the mice need to wear clothes?
The other animals — Lucifer the cat, Bruno the dog, the birds — don’t wear clothing. Also, how does she make those teeny-tiny clothes? And does she literally not have one human friend? Wouldn’t that cause a person, after a certain number of years, to be just slightly…off?
12. How is this “if the slipper fits” plan a good idea?
Surely, there are other maidens in the kingdom with the same size feet as Cinderella. And also, say the slipper fits the wrong girl, she’s now legally bound to the Prince? Won’t the Prince be like, “Uhh, this is not the right girl.” The Prince could also just get off his lazy ass, knock on some doors, and find this chick.
13. Why does no one come up with this solution sooner?
Or you could just find the girl who has the other shoe.
14. What happens to the Evil Stepmother and Stepsisters?
The Disney movie makes no mention of their outcomes, whereas Disney villains are usually made to suffer some fate they deserve.