1. For the love of God, wrap it up.
3. Family’s great. But you can only take so much.
4. Don’t get a cat. Just don’t.
5. Because unlike dogs, they don’t come when they’re called and are therefore impossible to find.
6. How to deal with people in the medical professions and/or what to say to that guy you dated who “awesomely” referred to himself as “the vagina doctor.”
7. Everyone else in the world is fuckin’ stupid.
8. Everyone else in the world is fuckin’ insane.
9. Don’t ever label something as a success unless you’ve smelled it and it smells like armpit.
10. Not to be a buzzkill, but this is kind of how it is. Just shut up and deal with it.
12. Technology fuckin’ sucks.
Phones that call themselves “smart” are so arrogant.