12 Signs You Were A “Gwenabee”

For the Gwen Stefani-obsessed citizens of the Tragic Kingdom.

I know, right? Now tell your friends!
12 Signs You Were A "Gwenabee"
Leonora Epstein

1. The message on your answering machine was the chorus from “Spiderwebs.”

Sorry I’m not home right now / I’m walking into spiderwebs / So leave a message and I’ll call you back.

2. At one time or another, you wore a sari.

Image by Albert Ortega / Getty Images

3. And your bindis were always falling off.

4. Your henna tattoo efforts were valiant but amateurish.

5. You maybe didn’t dye your hair this blue color, but it inspired you to make everything sky blue: your nails, your eyes, your lips.

Image by Brenda Chase / Getty Images

6. Like fellow Gwenhead Laris Oleynik, this is how you dressed for the school dance. (With a cardigan over your midriff before leaving the house.)

7. This was your away message in 2004.

8. Mini buns. So many mini buns.

Image by Brenda Chase / Getty Images

9. You experimented with Manic Panic in “Hot Hot Pink.”

Image by Scott Gries / Getty Images

10. You posed for pictures like this: belly slightly exposed, hip forward, hand at the waist of your pants.

Image by Kevin Winter / Getty Images

11. You almost wanted braces.

Image by Frank Micelotta / Getty Images

12. And you would have ripped out this magazine page…even though you already knew everything it told you.

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    • valerieb9 3 months ago

      I convinced my parents to use Spiderwebs on our answering machine. It was awesome.

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    • Bonnie Linge 3 months ago

      I would hope an actual Gwenabee would know that the lyrics are actually “Sorry I’m not home right now, I’m walking into spiderwebs”.

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