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1. They make constant allusions to potential injuries.
“That’s a really nice RB you have there. It’d be a shame if something were to happen to him.”
2. They’ll pretend to have your best interests in mind.
“I can take that WR off your hands… for a price.”
3. Most of the time it’s like they’re speaking in code.
“Hartline is a sleeper with the fishes… and by the fishes obviously I mean the Dolphins.”
4. Players are just pawns to them. It’s all one big chess match.
“Every time I put Michael Vick out, he keeps pulling himself back IN.”
5. If a player really screws up, he’s in trouble…
“Time to get rid of Ryan Mathews. That mook is wearing cement shoes.”
6. …but if he does what you need, he’s family.
“Say hello to my little friend… Darren Sproles.”
7. Orchestrating deals with other managers can get a little dicey.
“I’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse.”
8. If you’re trying to do good business, you cannot offend them.
“What kind of offer is that? Whaddareya, some kinda wiseguy?”
9. Fantasy owners are stubborn and they love to make a point dramatically.
“All my problems will resolve themselves, given time. Trust me, you’ll be sorry.”
10. And if you’re trying to get to the don, you’re gonna need an army.
“No you can’t have Peterson. He’s a made man.”
Watch one owner put a hit on the competition in order to survive a Tough Season. Featuring Andrew Luck, Matt Forte, Larry Fitzgerald, Alfred Morris, and Mason Crosby. Presented by Lenovo and The Onion.