10 Things You Must Stop Doing Now That You’re A Husband

You’re all growed-up! Time to act like a man!

1. Using Tee Shirts as Pillowcases

Them’s not bedding. Alas, something must result from your TeeFury phase, but not in the boudoir.

2. Counting Porn with Subtitles as “Reading Time”

Let her see your inner bookworm.

3. Overusing Tortilla Chip Receptacles

They can’t replace spoons, cups, very tiny bowls and hurty feelings ALL of the time.

4. Washing Your Entire Car with the Gas Station Squeegee

Odds are she’s already embarrassed to be seen in your vehicle as it is.

5. Crying During Superhero Movies

They’re almost like real movies, except you’re the only one in the relationship who doesn’t know this.

6. Belly-Wiping Your Cellphone Clean

Geez, get something that’s actually used for cleaning. Like a squeegee.

7. Using Hot Dogs as Drinking Straws

Remember when you got high and you and your dudes thought this would be a hoot? Neither does she.

8. Vaping Without a Filter Painted On

You’ve got a family to think about now!

9. Thinking About Tinkerbell That Way

Sure, she can secretly fly into your room at night and party with some angel dust, but the wifey might not envision Disney like a pervert.

10. Using Tee Shirts As Curtains

To be fair, this is actually not the worst way to use those mash-up rags from TeeFury.

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