1. No-one can agree on where to go
Somehow, every single restaurant is hated by a different person
2. The cool restaurant doesn’t take reservations
Waiting for two hours to maybe get a table is torture
3. The other cool restaurant does, but only for 7 months later
I don’t know what I’m doing next week, I really don’t know what I’m doing next year
4. The last cool restaurant might be too cool
5. Even when you’ve decided to go, actually getting everyone together takes hours
6. So you get there first, and everyone else is late
I have friends, honest
7. The restaurant will be too fancy and make you feel uncomforatable
9. You always seem to end up with the worst seat
Oh good, the only two people I don’t know and who don’t seem to know what ‘conversation’ is
10. Wine lists are straight-up terrifying
Just pick the second cheapest and be done with it. Only way.
11. The menu is actually really confusing
All of these words make sense to me, but not in this combination
12. The one thing you really want isn’t available
It wasn’t available last time either. Conspiracy!
13. When you do make a decision, you know it was a mistake immediately
I know, I panicked, I’m regretting it already.
15. Your food will take ages to come
Don’t ask, you really don’t want to the servers to be annoyed with you. Anyway, it’ll only be a few minutes. Probably.
16. When it does come, you need to wait while everyone instragrams their meal
It doesn’t even look that nice, and I’m really hungry!
17. You’re aware that your servers are definitely judging you
Am I doing something offensive to them? Probably, but I DON’T KNOW WHAT!
18. When the food does come, there’s definitely something there you don’t recognize
Either eat around it, or just chew through and hope.
19. Someone else’s dish always looks better than yours
It’s fine, I don’t care, really, I’m happy for you.
20. Someone at your table will ask for tomato sauce
Or will add salt and pepper without tasting the food first. Just no.
21. You have to over-tip for fear of ending up on the internet
This is not an over-tip.
22. Seeing into the kitchen just makes you feel sorry for all the staff
walking slowly away
23. Splitting the check is a headache
‘Yes, could we split this nine ways, please? Mix of cards and cash?’