1. Single By Choice
F*CK BITCHES GET MONEY, AM I RIGHT? You only live once and that means this person is planning on LIVIN’ IT UP.
2. Commitment Phobe
Can’t be tied down. This person commits to pizza and pizza only. Although sometimes they wish they could cuddle with pizza.
3. Ready To Mingle
This person sees every party, get-together, and networking event as an opportunity to meet people.
COME AND GET IT, BABES.
4. Addicted To Swiping Right
This person is single and kind of wants to meet someone. So they downloaded Tinder, obviously. They are convinced Tinder can save them…if they ever actually go on a date.
5. Boning Everyone In Sight
This person has needs. And those needs aren’t necessarily met from being in a relationship.
6. Just Got Out Of A Relationship
This person is newly single and loving it. … except when they drunk dial their ex at 3 a.m. to say “I miss you baby.”
7. Begging Friends For A Setup
This person is single and 100% aware of their singleness. They’re ready to ask for help. So be it if that means calling friends they haven’t talked to in YEARS. That person might know their soulmate.
8. Imagining Every Person As A Potential Husband Or Wife
This person is single but still hopeful. They always shower before running errands because they never know who might be at the store…like their soulmate.
9. Planning A Wedding Without A S.O.
This person is single and actively planning a wedding while looking for a life mate. They are keeping the dream alive one Pinterest board at a time.
10. Constant Third Wheel
This person’s friends and family are getting concerned about their extreme singleness. Their friends are afraid that they’re going to die alone — so they invite them places to make them feel better. It doesn’t work.
11. Angrily Listening To Taylor Swift
This person’s awareness of their single status has reached a new high.
SHE WEARS SHORT SKIRTS, I WEAR T-SHIRTS.
God, Taylor just gets me.
12. Crying While Watching Rom-Coms
This person is so single that they are convinced they will never meet their Ben Barry.
“NO I DIDN’T BEN, CAUSE YOU CAN’T LOSE WHAT YOU NEVER HAD.”
* sobs *
13. Paranoid Homebody
This person is single and incredibly paranoid. This person is praying that they don’t choke while they are home alone, because they are convinced that no one will find their body for days.
They ask themselves, “WOULD ANYONE EVEN CARE IF I DIED? WOULD ANYONE NOTICE?”
14. Cat Man Or Cat Lady
This person is single and going on dates with their cat on Friday nights.
70% of their Instagram is their cat.
15. Only Talking About How Single You Are
Every single thing in life is a reminder of their single status. They cannot escape it.
Their battle cry is “God I’m single as f*ck.”
- The U.S. will release Israeli spy Jonathan Pollard after 30 years. The move isn't tied to the Iran nuclear deal, American officials say.
- Joyce Mitchell, the prison worker who accused of helping two inmates escape from a New York prison, pleaded guilty and faces up to seven years in prison.
- The NFL has upheld Tom Brady's four-game suspension for his alleged involvement with the deflation of footballs 🏈