1. The best part of New Year's to you is that while everyone is out, you get to be home, without pants, watching Netflix.
2. The one time you were pressured into going out, you genuinely thought about wearing sweatpants.
3. And while you were out, you "accidentally" threw streamers into someone's eye.
4. And ever since the one time you were pressured into going out, you've lied about being sick every year since then.
5. You HATE the idea of the kiss at midnight.
Because, like, what if you have to pee???
6. Therefore, you actively avoid the pressure of finding someone to kiss by leaving the room entirely.
7. And honestly, you hate knowing that the one creeper at the party has been eyeing you all night waiting for the chance to be your midnight kiss.
8. You would rather burn your tongue 28 times in a row than spend money to go to a New Year's Eve party.
9. ... And the same goes for spending money on cocktails.
10. You hate the idea of NYE so much that you find it very difficult to not immediately get drunk as soon as you arrive anywhere.
11. You spend half the night panicking that you're going to have a LOT OF TROUBLE FINDING A CAB.
12. ... Or having to deal with Uber surge prices.
13. You've had nightmares about having to take public transportation with 7,000 drunk people.
14. ... Actually, nightmares about dealing with drunk people EVERYWHERE.
15. You've lied about being drunker than you were so you could leave a party early.
16. You've thought about throwing your phone after getting on Instagram three different times and seeing the same NYE photos over and over.
17. You've considered telling someone that your resolution is to "never talk to you again."
18. You have to resist the urge to break every stupid hat and pair of sunglasses that have the year on it.
19. And finally, you really look forward to the day that the "resolutioners" finally stop going to your gym.
