1. During a sing-a-long, when you sing the Broadway lyrics and your friend sings the movie lyrics.
You start to sing “a pastrami on rye with a sour pickle” when they want to sing “a porcelain tub with boilin’ water.” It can get more awkward than Crutchie trying to tap dance.
2. When you are watching the new “Batman” trilogy and Captain Jack isn’t singing.
Yes, I did miss ya! Now stop all that vigilante business and start uniting the newsboys of New York through song and dance.
3. When you try to learn the dances but realize you will never be this talented.
“Headlines don’t sell papes, newsboys with years of professional dance training sell papes.”
4. The first time you watched “Blood Drips on Newsies Square” and nothing was ever the same.
They seemed so clean-cut and innocent in the movie. We have seen way too many Newsies covered in blood.
5. When you couldn’t use Bryan Denton as an example of a muckraker on your AP US History exam because he is fictional.
Upton Sinclair may have exposed the wrongdoings of Chicago’s meatpacking plants, but Bryan Denton revealed the struggles of the Newsies via the front page of the New York Sun (in a fictional universe).
It was okay though because you still had stellar knowledge about yellow journalism thanks to Mr. Pulitizer and the Newsies themselves.
Say anything to sell a pape, right?
6. When you refuse to choose between the movie and the Broadway show.
It is impossible to pick a favorite. They are both perfect in their own ways. Christian Bale brought his boyish charm to the character Jack and Jeremy Jordan toughened Jack up a bit. There is no choosing. The ensemble of Newsies is equally as rowdy and lovable in both versions.
7. When Sarah is on screen. Ugh, Sarah.
Sarah Jacobs is the biggest problem with the movie “Newsies.” There is not one true “Newsies” fan who approves of Sarah Jacobs as a love interest for Jack. Jack is adventurous, rebellious and can sing. Sarah is boring and doesn’t sing. There relationship will never work out. Sarah is the worst.
8. When you keep getting older but the Newsies stay the same age.
So, you feel a little bit creepy as the years pass and it becomes less socially acceptable to fangirl over a seventeen-year-old Christian Bale.
9. Wishing you were from Brooklyn so you could declare “BROOKLYN’S HERE” whenever you walk into a room.
How is anyone supposed to know that you have their back from way back if you can’t say it with style? If you’re not from Brooklyn, how can you be the key to anything? Why is life so hard?
10. When you question Disney’s judgement to feature a teenaged smoker with a gambling problem.
Racetrack Higgins is charming and all but what kind of message is Disney sending to the children?
11. When you have to hide your love of dancing newsboys.
It’s not that loving “Newsies” is embarrassing, it’s just not something you want to mention during a first date or at a job interview. Yes, you can talk about the show for hours but, not everyone wants to listen to rants about Joseph Pulitzer’s fictional daughter. A number of movie critics weren’t fans of the film so people may not respect your opinions. They are wrong.
12. When you are still worried about Patrick.
Did his mother ever find him? Why did he runaway from home? Why was he so important that he had to be put in the movie? Is he imaginary? Does he know his mother loves him? Why isn’t there a better picture of his mother on the internet?
13. When you couldn’t contain your excitement at the 2013 Tony Awards. Surprise Newsies!
Now when you walk down an aisle you get a little bitter that you don’t have some Newsies in tow. Lucky guy, Neil Patrick Harris.
14. Knowing that Christian Bale is embarrassed by his acting in the film.
All you want to do is scream at him, “BUT IT’S SO GOOD, YOU BEAUTIFUL WELSH MAN!”
15. When all you want to do is belt “Santa Fe” but you are in class or at work.
The biggest struggle about being a “Newsies” fan are the days when the songs are on constant repeat in your head. Why would they make the songs so catchy when they know people have jobs to do?