Life after college is a vast and endless concept that haunts the minds of millions of Americans today and probably since the beginning of forever. Age doesn't really seem to matter, I mean, there's an age range of possible victims but some are just more fortunate than others. Why, just a few months ago, I happened upon a person who at twenty-two had already weaseled himself into a doctoral program and I found myself wondering what it meant that at twenty-three I was just barely about to get a bachelors in Psychology and Interdisciplinary studies.
There are probably hundreds of things I'd like to do, with full knowledge that you can't learn everything in a classroom. Okay, yeah, I obviously have a pretty good outline of how I want my life to go, but as a spiritualist that has had a big influence from Wicca and Buddhism, I know full and well that plans don't mean shit in regards to the big picture – I can plan things for years and it doesn't mean it's going to come to fruition and I'm going to be happy because happiness isn't really a place you ever find, but more of a place you search for for your entire life – that's "happiness". And I don't disagree with this.
So, like Cher's 1998 hit "Believe" queries: Do you believe in love after love? I ask, "Do I believe in success after college?" The fact I even have to ask myself this already indicates I think of it as a fairytale. Success being a relative thing, depending on where you come from, what you grow up with but also how open you are to expanding your mind outside of society's conventional idea of "success" is anyway. What is success? Mainstream media sure has one hell of an idea – stupid cars, stupid big houses and stupid copious amounts of money. And even though people will tell you that money isn't everything, apparently the collective conscious seems to think otherwise. And even if the collective conscious is innocent in this giant mess called American Capitalism, the people inserting all these subliminal ideas of success in the TV millions of American's can't seem to stop watching – I can't say much for them.
What's this have to do with the existential outline to my life? Well, a lot actually. This is what comes up in my mind when I think about what I want to do. All of what I've mentioned so far, even down to the fact I think planning for the future is bullshit (or maybe I'm just really superstitious). I like to call plans, desires instead because when you really want something, it happens. Planning for what you need usually ends up in some sort of ridiculous disappointment, and if I've learned anything from my random nomadic adventures – it's that what you need is always provided for you; stop expecting silver spoons and settle for the plastic spoon you can just get for free from your local Wendy's. In Buddhism, it's thought that our deepest desires are what makes our deeds and thus, creates us. That's why it is somewhat important to know what you want but it's also really good to be able to discern between what society says you need and what you actually need. When you figure that out, I'd say things get a lot more simple but also complicated because it brings on a new task: How do you survive in a human construct that you don't really believe in? Society is a bitch at times, it's a community, a group if you will, that dictates social norms (some more lax than others), and if you violate them – well hey, you're socially rejected while people pretend to be nice to you anyway because that is also socially acceptable.
So that's the challenge set before me: Existing in a world where things I don't give a flying shit about matter and I have to learn to adapt and survive after Uncle Sam's money stops flowing into my wallet (most of it I'll have to pay back too, or I'm also fucked by that). It's a really hard game to play that can get you down – I'd say it even starts to soak into our genes, creating stress in us before we're even privy to this world existence called "being human."
I want to ruffle some feathers. I want to just put some new, wild and radical ideas in the minds of people, especially the American Psychological Association, but I also want to send a new shock wave into our society's existence, or its rhythm. I want to create an awesome rhythm that completely interrupts and counteracts the current rhythm of American Society, because with the track we're on right now, it all really feels shitty. And I guess, while I'm aware I can't change things or ever make them completely Sympatico, I wouldn't mind people at least being accessible to more information about how life doesn't really have to be this way. I mean, what's so great about advanced thought anyhow? "Oh, you want to understand why I have an insane obsession with all things purple? Why? Why can't I just really, really, really like the color purple?"
We are where we come from and nothing will ever change this. And yes, while I can say personally I really enjoy finding out how people work, my motive is to never change them because people are walking, messy paintings that are constantly in progress and could always be near the end of completion. But we just never know, do we?
There's a story from the Buddhist culture that the earliest experience of the soon-to-be Buddha had with all life being suffering was when he was but a young boy, sat outside amongst the shadow of a tree for his playtime. While he sat outside he observed two things. The first thing he observed was the workers toiling in the fields to produce crops and therefore, food. The second was the birds flying high above, free of any care. He remembered this and saw that there was a balance and there always would be – and this is pretty good example of what I want to do with my work. I want to observe the balance in life and capture it, and maybe, just maybe if I can do this, some people will sit the hell down and think for a moment before starting a war over the potential of money, gains of land, or oil, or whatever matters in the moment.
Coming back though, I want to have fun. I don't expect success, whatsoever and I'm at point in my mental and emotional development where I don't necessarily want it. I wouldn't mind grinding out some new knowledge on something – comprehensible data that changes enough people's perspectives where they eventually stop what they're doing and just chill the hell out but I'm not that naïve. I'm aware that at the end of the day, you only have yourself and your desires, which are also manifestations of yourself and that you must do them simply for the sake of doing them and not because you will reap rewards. You must do them so you can reach your own happiness.
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